Drove up to mum's on Friday night, spent the night there on her lounge. Heard from D in the morning and decided to head over there around 10am. Met his son. E is 7 yrs old and is alot like my No.2, so I found it fairly easy to chat to him. I watched him play the computer for a while, then he and I had a game on the PS3. Later we all went out for lunch and did a bit of shopping, then back to D's place to watch a movie and hang out. It was nice, I was pretty relaxed this time and just went with the flow. D ended up asking me to stay over again, so we went to my mums and picked up my stuff (because I hadn't assumed I would be staying, simply because E was there). D and I had a...um..nice night, lol, got to sleep around 12.30am. I was awake by 8am, but just lay there enjoying being beside him.

E came in at 9am, so we all got up then. E went over to a cousins place after breakfast, so D and I watched a movie and...um...had a nice morning LOL. I left at 1.45pm so I could get back to mum's for a quick visit before heading home. She is cool with me just popping in and out, but she did say that I looked a little sad today.

I am not loving saying goodbye to D. I am not loving the distance. I find that some days I really struggle with him being so far away, that fears raise their ugly heads and insecurities poke me in the back. I believe him when he says how much he cares for me, and I don't doubt how much I care for him, but it is still a struggle.

We have discussed the possibility of having more children, and neither of us are really keen on the idea. I used to be clucky, but it has passed and I reconciled myself to no more kids before I met D. He brought the subject up, he has a fertility issue and never expected to have the son he has, he wanted to tell me about it. I really did not mind. I love working, I love my kids, his son is another son for me if we get that far, so, you know, it is fine. I remember how badly I wanted another child with X, but it didn't happen and now I am so glad. Mind you, I still love having a snuggle with babies, but it really is lovely to be able to give them back. I am still looking forward to having grandkids one day.

My mum is very big on Feng Shui at the moment. It gives us something to talk about, lol.

I feel sick. And I have put on a kilo in the last week. I have been feeling really hungry, so have been eating more than usual, and not necessarily good stuff. I need to stop or I will undo all my good work.