It has been a tough month.
My oldest boy is undergoing tests for a lump in his leg that is giving him pain. The initial concern was cancer but the doc is confident that it is not that. However, he is unable to give a certain diagnosis so now we have to see a bone specialist. The emotional rollercoaster I am on regarding this is really taking it's toll on me.
My ex, for the most part, has not been an issue, however today (Friday) he has suddenly announced he can't have the kids this weekend because of work, and my weekend full of plans has just dissolved. He then posted on Facebook that he is going to concerts on Saturday and Sunday. I am not happy at all.
Financially I am struggling. When my ex let me know he wasn't having the kids my first thought was 'how am I going to feed them?' It is not that bad, but it was my first reaction. I am about to go back to uni full-time and I am wondering how the hell we are going to manage for the next couple of yrs. I am working delivering catalogues, I get about $3 an hour. Big change from my library job where I was on about $25 an hour. I am doing it because it is flexible and will fit with uni and kids and derby. It pays for derby and a bit of petrol, it takes a little bit of pressure off.
I question myself constantly, I am my own worst enemy.
Derby is helping. 200 people came to the first bout. I was in a second one on Valentine's Day and more than 400 people came to that one. I like the friendship, the teamwork, the physical challenge. I think I would be lost without it. If I did not have to turn up to training 3 times a week I would be in bed hiding from the world, or drinking myself into oblivion (except I can't afford the alcohol). It is keeping me sane right now.
