on a bit of a downer

yeh, not feeling top of the world today. Went to see the counsellor on Tuesday, sat in the waiting room for an hour with no sign of him, and left. Spent the last half hour of the waiting justifying staying there by thinking about how i really will not be able to fit in another visit any time soon. Had to give up tho, had my toddler coming home within the following half hour and was not interested in rushing the session. So I have to forge ahead 'alone' so to speak.

Been trying to work out what might have triggered this current state of mind. I told a whopper of a lie recently and it is really sitting badly with me, so that could be part of it. Went on a date last night, a second date, but third time we have met, this is with M. He is a nice guy, very gentlemanly and funny online, but in person he is rather irritating and i could see that i probably was not going to see him again. So maybe that was part of it too.

Work is fine, I am a little bored and I have not been back a week yet. I guess it is up to me to spice it up, so to speak. Got a few training sessions coming up so that should make things interesting. I have to run some training sessions as a result of the training i am going to, should finally get me that pay rise, lol. I am looking forward to seeing the kiddies next week and singing again.

My time spent with S is going well, we have been spending at least one day together for the last 6 or 7 weeks. Recently we had a chat and he has told me he is not looking to settle down at this point. However we talk at least twice a day on the phone, spend an hour chatting on line, text through the day, he has met my mum (she likes him), and my ex (that was funny, neither my ex and I were expecting S to be there and ex was very unsettled, managed to pull together enough to spend five or so minutes discussing bikes with S). hmmmm. Well, I enjoy his company and we are friends, and for now I shall be happy with that.

But maybe that too is adding to my emotional state. I heard that bloody Nickelback song today that is every lonely persons anthem....ummm....Gotta Be Somebody. I used to sing that at the top of my lungs and now I just want to hide under a rock when i hear it. So I don;t think that helped today.

sigh

Toddler is gorgeous. We have been watching Playschool Nursery Rhymes over and over again this week, his favourite is Jack and Jill. When Jack is going up the hill Toddler says 'Careful!', then when Jack falls down (yet again, lol), Toddler sighs and says 'Fix it with paper!'. He is such a character. We read a Bob the Builder book that is about Bob having a birthday. So Toddler doesn't sing 'Bob the Builder, can we fix it', he sings ' Bob the Builder, birthday cake' over and over, lol. He also likes to run around in circles singing Jingle Bells. Hmmm, he sings alot. He is very sweet and very cheeky and I adore him.

My older two are at my mum's this week. It means this week has been rather less stressful and much quieter. I will be having all of them pretty much full time as of next week, it will be somewhat challenging and I will need to keep a close eye on my emotions and make sure I get enough sleep.

A sight I love to behold

Time flies...

After some more miscommunication D and I have gone our separate ways.

I have been spending quite a bit of time with S and have also had a couple of dates with M. I enjoy S very much, M is much quieter and much more gentlemanly, not sure how either will progress. X is sailing out in a couple of weeks, so my personal time will be greatly reduced.

I am going to NZ. After my last drama with D I said "F*** it" and booked a ticket. Life is too short to worry about things like the kids missing school for one week, or people at work being all needy. I fly out on the 21st Feb.

Started back at work last Friday, it was like I had never been away.

On Holiday

I am on my best friends farm enjoying a break from the city. The kids are here with me and at this point are having an okay time. We are here for a week, I am sure by then I will have had enough of them, lol. I am loving spending time with my friend tho.

We celebrated New Year's Eve last night with a few drinks and a few games of poker. It was a nice evening but I was glad to get to bed.

I am having serious withdrawals from being online and chatting to people. It has only been one day and I am missing it soooo bad! My mobile doesn't work out here either, I am not on the right network.

I picked up and read a copy of 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus', and found that it summed up my relationship with D almost perfectly. It was rather bizarre reading it and nodding every few lines. D and I have continued to be in tentative contact, and I met up with him on Christmas Day and spent a couple of hours with him. I discovered that I still felt the spark, but I was reserved with him as I want to proceed cautiously and from what he has said, so does he. He has read through the Depression information I sent him and has said that he sees he has some work to do, he has also said that he will be seeing his doctor early in the new year.