I started back at derby training today. I am back with the freshmeat. I'm not confident, yet, but I gave it my all and feel I achieved what I wanted to.
Spent the morning with mum and Little Boy at a reptile show. I won't miss her criticism of my parenting. The reptile show was ok, very crowded.
I'm tired. It's been a long day containing mental and physical challenges.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
It's been a while...
and things are different, but not different.
My weight is back up to what it was last January, which is disappointing but not unsurprising. I had a period where I was quite ill with gallstones and was unable to exercise, this was only resolved in January, much to my relief. Now it is a matter of getting back into exercise and this is a current struggle.
Hmmm, well, I quit my job last June and started working officially in childcare. Loved the job, hated the hours and pay and really struggled to cope. Woke up one day in Jan, not long after my gallbladder surgery, and decided I didn't want to go back to work. And I didn't. I emailed my resignation in Feb and am slowly adjusting to living on a very low income.
On the plus side, I am in the process of trying to kick off a small business. It's a typical stay at home mum type business, where I make hand crafted items to sell, but I am already seeing some success and feeling quite positive about where I'm headed.
The kids are fine. Teen is still at school and seems to be coping. He doesn't have a job yet and this is now a conflict for us as my income is so reduced. He frequently asks for hand-outs and I just don't have anything to give him. He does now have his learner driver licence and we try to do an hour a week of lessons. Tween has had a growth spurt and at 12 yrs old is now taller than me. He eats as much as his older brother. School is a bore for him, so he says, but he has big plans for his future and I have a feeling he will muddle along fairly well. He is keen to have a job and is counting the weeks till he can apply. Little Boy is my little delight as always. He makes me laugh every day and surprises me with his insights. I am thankful for him. He is doing very well in school, enjoys reading and loves maths.
I was prompted to start writing in this blog again because of the recent news that my mother, aged 59, has lung cancer. She also has an aortic dissection, which simply complicates matters further. She has had the aortic dissection since Easter 2009, so it's coming up to 4yrs. The doctors did not expect her to live this long, but she is a stubborn woman and was not ready to die.
Unfortunately the lung cancer means her time is nearly up.
At this point she has stage 2 lung cancer. She is experiencing tiredness and weight loss and has lost her appetite. She has had 2 severe chest infections already this year and I expect she will have another as winter comes on. We spent some time discussing it today and I got the impression that she does not expect to see another Christmas.
No child wants to be faced with the mortality of our parents. It's easy to pretend that your parent will be there forever, until you are confronted with the reality of a life that is ending.
As I always do when faced with a new subject/dilemma/issue, I googled. I looked up lung cancer and read all I could. I looked up blogs by people living with it. I feel like I have a reasonable understanding of what is happening at this point in time.
Tonight I spent time looking for books on Death and Dying. I am looking for information on how I can be a good support, on what I could possibly expect in the future. Knowledge is my strength and gives me comfort.
I am fine. Sad, but not a mess. Just sad. When talking to mum today we discussed her options for treatment. Chemotherapy is out, because of her dissection and because the doctors feel it won't be beneficial for her. A meeting is to be had with a surgeon in the near future and he will decide if he wants to attempt surgery. Again, the dissection is an issue as it runs close to her lung and affects her heart. There is a real possibility she may not come out of surgery. After surgery is radiation, and mum has decided she does not want it. She has discussed it with friends who have dealt with cancer, and also with her doctor, and she feels it is not worth the loss of quality of life.
As soon as I had heard what her options were I knew there was a likelihood she would say no to treatment. At this point she has said she will consider surgery, but if it is ruled out then she will just live out her days, however many they may be.
She has insisted we keep her cancer quiet, among close family and friends only. I can see her point but I struggle with it as it is not what I would do. I turn to the people in my world for support and comfort, mum needs only herself and her children. She has always been a private person, much worse than I was. I guess I learned the behaviour from her in the first place.
This is an experience I had hoped not to have for a few years yet.
My weight is back up to what it was last January, which is disappointing but not unsurprising. I had a period where I was quite ill with gallstones and was unable to exercise, this was only resolved in January, much to my relief. Now it is a matter of getting back into exercise and this is a current struggle.
Hmmm, well, I quit my job last June and started working officially in childcare. Loved the job, hated the hours and pay and really struggled to cope. Woke up one day in Jan, not long after my gallbladder surgery, and decided I didn't want to go back to work. And I didn't. I emailed my resignation in Feb and am slowly adjusting to living on a very low income.
On the plus side, I am in the process of trying to kick off a small business. It's a typical stay at home mum type business, where I make hand crafted items to sell, but I am already seeing some success and feeling quite positive about where I'm headed.
The kids are fine. Teen is still at school and seems to be coping. He doesn't have a job yet and this is now a conflict for us as my income is so reduced. He frequently asks for hand-outs and I just don't have anything to give him. He does now have his learner driver licence and we try to do an hour a week of lessons. Tween has had a growth spurt and at 12 yrs old is now taller than me. He eats as much as his older brother. School is a bore for him, so he says, but he has big plans for his future and I have a feeling he will muddle along fairly well. He is keen to have a job and is counting the weeks till he can apply. Little Boy is my little delight as always. He makes me laugh every day and surprises me with his insights. I am thankful for him. He is doing very well in school, enjoys reading and loves maths.
I was prompted to start writing in this blog again because of the recent news that my mother, aged 59, has lung cancer. She also has an aortic dissection, which simply complicates matters further. She has had the aortic dissection since Easter 2009, so it's coming up to 4yrs. The doctors did not expect her to live this long, but she is a stubborn woman and was not ready to die.
Unfortunately the lung cancer means her time is nearly up.
At this point she has stage 2 lung cancer. She is experiencing tiredness and weight loss and has lost her appetite. She has had 2 severe chest infections already this year and I expect she will have another as winter comes on. We spent some time discussing it today and I got the impression that she does not expect to see another Christmas.
No child wants to be faced with the mortality of our parents. It's easy to pretend that your parent will be there forever, until you are confronted with the reality of a life that is ending.
As I always do when faced with a new subject/dilemma/issue, I googled. I looked up lung cancer and read all I could. I looked up blogs by people living with it. I feel like I have a reasonable understanding of what is happening at this point in time.
Tonight I spent time looking for books on Death and Dying. I am looking for information on how I can be a good support, on what I could possibly expect in the future. Knowledge is my strength and gives me comfort.
I am fine. Sad, but not a mess. Just sad. When talking to mum today we discussed her options for treatment. Chemotherapy is out, because of her dissection and because the doctors feel it won't be beneficial for her. A meeting is to be had with a surgeon in the near future and he will decide if he wants to attempt surgery. Again, the dissection is an issue as it runs close to her lung and affects her heart. There is a real possibility she may not come out of surgery. After surgery is radiation, and mum has decided she does not want it. She has discussed it with friends who have dealt with cancer, and also with her doctor, and she feels it is not worth the loss of quality of life.
As soon as I had heard what her options were I knew there was a likelihood she would say no to treatment. At this point she has said she will consider surgery, but if it is ruled out then she will just live out her days, however many they may be.
She has insisted we keep her cancer quiet, among close family and friends only. I can see her point but I struggle with it as it is not what I would do. I turn to the people in my world for support and comfort, mum needs only herself and her children. She has always been a private person, much worse than I was. I guess I learned the behaviour from her in the first place.
This is an experience I had hoped not to have for a few years yet.
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