Sunday

Everything about the date was perfect.

Is Love at First Sight really real?

I wouldn't have believed it till today.

Yes, I already knew what he looked like, but to be in his prescence, to feel him close, that is the key to knowing if the spark is there.

The spark was a flame.

I love hugs

Just got off the phone with D. It was a good conversation and ran for over an hour. I like him. I really do. Scares the crap out of me. He was initially concerned about ringing me because he didn't know if X was here, but I reassured him (X is on duty on the ship). We then discussed the subject - if things go well with us on Sunday and over the next couple of weeks, do I plan to tell X. I told D it wasn't his issue and he got a bit annoyed with me, he pointed out that if I tell X and X gets all nasty, then it affects me, if it affects me that makes it his issue. Well, fair enough then.

lol

I have had the pleasure of my step father-in-laws company for the last few days. He reminded me what a wrap around hug felt like. God I have missed being hugged like that. X always used to pat my back, very irritating. I had a friend at a church I used to attend, she gave great hugs too. I love wrap around hugs. Anyway, I told SFIL about D, and he gave his approval. I am so glad. Basically he said if I am happy, then so is he, because he knows I wasn't happy with X and he can't understand how we stayed together as long as we did. I love him for that. I asked him how he thought MIL would react, and he said that she would be the same as him.

Bizarre that I felt comfortable telling my now x-MIL that I have met someone who I like very much. lol.

She was ok about it. So now the only one out of the loop is X. hmmm. I don't feel so good about that. Well, I will see how things go with D. D actually reminds me alot of my SFIL, and I said that to SFIL, this was after I had raved a bit about how much I liked D, lol. So SFIL was flattered that I would think a man like him would be what I was looking for. If I had been 20 years older I would have loved to have SFIL as my partner. But I am not, and so instead he is a mate, and I love him for that (and his hugs). He is obviously in love with my x-MIL, I love the way he talks about her, and she loves him just as much.

I would be grateful for even half of the feelings that they have for each other.

Had a crap afternoon at work today. A woman came in and presented the person at the circulation desk with two books that her children had thrown into a swimming pool, she had rescued them and dried them out and now wanted us to accept them back. The circ desk person couldn't handle it, so sent the lady to me at the info desk (lucky me).

So then I had a long, loud (her anyway) disagreement with her about how it is her responsibility to pay to replace these brand new books (it was the first time they had been borrowed) because they were no longer suitable for our collection. She didn't like that and stomped off to the children's area to find one tatty book that was thirteen years old to prove a point - that we keep substandard books on our shelves. I rang my boss to get her view on the situation, she suggested I point out to the lady that the example she was using was very old, and would be shortly destined for the scrap heap anyway, whereas the books that she had borrowed were brand new. The lady's argument was that accidents happen and why should she have to replace the books. I gave her my bosses name and number and the lady left the books with me, huffing and puffing about how she was going to call my boss and get it sorted. Well, I showed my boss the books and she agreed with me.

Let the lady call.

But it made me tense. And so my dance class wasn't a great one, because it took me longer to get into the swing of it, to relax enough to get a grip on the moves. I got it in the end, but was disappointed with myself. I will be putting in the practice over the next week.

I am moving Monday. It got confirmed yesterday. The removalists will come and pack up my stuff, pack it into the truck, and take it to the flat, and, if I want, they will unpack it again. I will probably want to get rid of them by then. I guess I will be sleeping over there Monday. X has taken the day off work too, he was quick to say that it wasn't because he thought I would take anything (what is there I could possibly want, that I haven't told him about?). It will be a help though, as I have white goods arriving at the other place on Monday, and was worried about how that was all going to coordinate, now it is not an issue.

Romance is in the air

My friendship with the man I shall call D has continued to develop nicely and we are both looking forward to our meeting on Sunday. Both D and I are discovering that we have alot in common, particularly in the way we think and act in some situations. I have frequently found myself saying to him 'get out of my head!' because he has said something that is exactly what I would say! Or he says he has been thinking about something and, oh my goodness, so have I! We are enjoying each other very much.

Both of us have spoken to our respective children about the possibility that mum (or dad in his case) might find a nice person who will be spending time with them, and they have all given the ok (relief). Tween's ok was conditional - the man must be good to me and them. None of them were bothered with the idea of other children (note that I said 'idea', lol).

What is particularly mind-blowing for me is that he fits my profile of an ideal partner exactly. We share the same principles, the same basic values, so many areas where we agree, or are so similar we may as well say we agree. He even likes cats! D has a fantastic relationship with his son, who I got to speak to and he is a nice boy. D really seems to be everything I ever wanted in a man, everything that X was not.

Do I dare hope that my Prince Charming has arrived? I have been holding myself back, not daring to think that, until we have met at least. I am aware that he feels much the same way. I had a moment recently when I was scared of the possibility that he may be Mr Right. My head rules most of the time and it has been saying 'don't believe it, it is a dream, it isn't real...' but my heart is singing another tune completely. I prayed long and loud to God, questioning my logic, and my desire, ending with 'It is your will God, I will dare to believe', and I felt such relief. I have allowed myself to dream of possibilities and now I feel like anything could happen.

And I could say that I wish D and I had met 10 years ago, but we were both different people then. Our lives have brought us to this point, and we both seem to be ready to see where it takes us.

Anyway, enough of my silly teenage like behaviour (which is such fun, quite honestly).

I have bought everything I need for my flat now and am officially broke, lol. Well, for the moment.

Heard from the removalists today that my move has been approved, now I just need to confirm the date. I am hoping I can do it next Monday.

I participated in a fun run on Sunday. I walked most of the way, but did run some and found that I handled the 4km walk/run really well. I did it in 45mins. I am enjoying my new found energy and inner healthfulness. I have lost just over 5kgs in 4 weeks, YAY, well on the way to my goal of 10kgs before xmas. I had someone say to me today that I looked like I had lost weight, it is so nice to say 'YES!'. I hope mum says something nice to me when I see her on Friday, as she knows my progress.

I am getting my motorbike license in 6 weeks! D thinks that him dating a bikie chick is very funny. He should talk, he is a rev head! You should have heard him getting excited about some wheels he is getting for his car, lol, such a boy.

X bought a two door hatch to drive round in. Such a sensible choice for a father of three growing boys.

My best friend is having a family crisis at the moment, with her father-in-law in hospital in a serious condition. I am praying for his recovery, but it is expected that if he does recover he is going to need a great deal of care. It is terribly sad for them all, and all I can offer is my support.

Attended my first dance class last Thursday, and had a ball tripping over my own feet learning the Rumba. I love it!!!! Sooo sexy.

Today I saw a professor of neurology for an issue I have with my hands. He has run some tests and the diagnosis today was that I have carpal tunnel syndrome. At this stage it is only mild, but I have to be conscious of it and be sure to change activities and stretch out my wrists and hands to avoid it getting worse. If it does become painful (at this stage it is just distracting) then I will need surgery, which is minor day surgery, and that should resolve the problem. I was a little upset about it. When I look back I realise that the discomfort began not long after Toddler was born, when I would carry him for long periods, supported by my hip and my right hand, which is the one most affected. I remember the aching that I used to get, and how I used to have to hold him with the arm rather than the hand, and I just put it down to strained muscle. Perhaps I did more damage then than I realised.

I would still love another child. I don't think I will walk down the aisle again. I will never have my weight in the three digits again, ever, no way, not at all. I will never ever consider the possibility of X and I getting back together, no way, not ever. Ew

Lol

Things I dream of doing...
Dance
Bike License
NZ trip
Caving
learn how to do strikethroughs
buy my own home
lose 5kgs
lose 10kgs
lose 20kgs
Reach goal weight
Skydive
Climb to the top of centrepoint tower
Ride to D's place on my motorbike
have sex make love (please God, it has been soooo long)
be kissed by a man who I am not related to
be held by a man who I am not related to

I am sure there will be more to add to this list as time goes by.

This is fun

who knew chatting online would be so much fun! I am wasting lots of time in this activity

I have exchanged photos with one of the guys I was chatting to, and we are both happy with what we see. I can see us meeting up in the not too distant future, just because I like what I am hearing/reading,and he seems to be of the same mind. He lives a couple of hours away, not far from my mum, so I might combine a visit if he is up for it. *ETA* just had another chat with him and we have a coffee date ladies and gentlemen! Sunday 26th October.

What I have learnt so far..
- he loves his parents (and is living with them to save for a house), even though he finds them a bit clueless about the 21st century sometimes
- he has a job he enjoys
- he has a son he loves
- he gets on well with his family (younger bro, and a sister)
- he reads (yes, I find this amazing)
- he has been single for 3 years, minimal dating (and that dating has been with younger women, who he has come to realise aren't looking for the same thing he is)
- he doesn't watch sport (I am dancing)
- he doesn't watch much tv (still dancing)
- he likes Fords (this is actually important, lol)
- he values honesty and communication (and this is important for most people)
- his parents are old-fashioned regarding manners and he respects that
- he is cuddly
- he has amazing blue eyes (I just sat there saying 'wow' when I saw his pic)
- he doesn't like horror movies
- he enjoys music similar to my own tastes

Look, I know this is a strange way to get to know someone, but it is a way that suits my lifestyle. The negative about it is that you aren't talking person to person, so you don't get the body language or the facial expressions. But this is how it is.

So I have a date, albeit a coffee date, in a week and a half.

yay me

hellooo

I have been absent! For no good reason either, other than just not getting on here.

Well, X got home with the kids on Saturday night and the noise level escalated. I didn't mind though, it was nice to have my family around again.

Negative - arggh - Toddler's sleeping pattern was completely stuffed. While he was away he was having no day sleep, and was not in bed till 11pm. This is not a good thing for a small person and I was not impressed. Well, he is at day 3 of being home, he had a day sleep yesterday and was in bed asleep by 9pm. Much better! Oh, and X chopped off all Toddlers hair and I don't like it. I think his head shape does not suit a number 3 clip job. At least it will grow back.

I haven't yet physically moved. I had to wait for X to come back so that we could organise the removal and work out exactly what I was taking with me. It looks like I won't be out before the end of this month. Don't love it, but can bear it. I have made a couple of trips over to the flat to take stuff over, do an inspection and have a bit of a clean of the bathroom and toilet as they were left messy. I am still happy with the place and excited about moving in.

I went shopping at Ikea and bought a house full of furniture. That was fun! I've never done something like that before.

I mentioned in the past that I had been checking out RSVP. Well, I dived in and joined a couple of dating sites and have been chatting to a couple of nice blokes the last few days. One is my age and lives up the coast a bit, the other is a couple of years older and lives in my local area. No plans to meet just yet, I am enjoying the conversation and the whole getting to know you phase. It is fun. I need fun. It has been many many years since I have dated, I would like to do a bit of that. And if things don't go any further then at least I might have made a couple of friends.

Other news - I bought X's motorbike off him and hope to get my license in the new year.

Lonely, I am so lonely....

Okay, so I am over the whole not having my kids here thing. Come baaaack, mummy misses you!!! Well, in lots of ways I miss them, I can do without the housework any day, lol. I spoke to all of them tonight, even Toddler, who said 'hello mummy' about 8 times, lol, soooo cute.

I have news....

I got the flat! Nice and handy to everything, three bedrooms, in pretty good condition. Phew, so glad that saga is over, and quicker than I expected too. I am signing the lease tomorrow. I have a shopping trip planned with a friend on Friday, watch out IKEA, here i come!

I am still doing lots of walking. I walked for 1 hour on Sunday....Sunday! well, you know how I said, at the end of my last post, don't forget to put your clocks forward? I forgot! Yes, me! And I was working on Sunday at the godawful hour of 8am in the morning, so had to be up by 6.30am.Well, I was up by 6.30am, in the old time!!!! I just happened to put the news on and looked at the screen and said 'OMG, it's 7.30am'.

I got dressed in record time, power walked to the local shops to catch a bus and made it to work only 5 minutes late. Worked until 4pm, caught a bus part of the way home and walked the rest. I am clocking up the km's in a big way. I walked 2 hours on my very boring Monday (public holiday, no kids, no car, friends all busy), worked out on my Wii Fit (still fun) and stared into the fridge looking for inspiration, lol. I have been eating lots of vege stir fries and fresh squeezed juice, I don't think my body has had such good foods in a long long time.

I had grand plans to get up early on work days and do some yoga and stuff, but I just can't do it. I get up and feel how cool it still is, and how sleepy I still am, and climb back into bed for another ten minutes of shut eye. I love being in bed. It is so warm and snuggly. So I work out at the end of the day at the moment. I have no idea what will happen once the family has returned, I do know that I need to fit some exercise in there somewhere.

Choices

This is a regular theme for my mental contemplation. Whenever I have spare thinking time I tend to mull over the choices I have made, and the ones before me. For example, I am no longer analysing my marriage, since that is over and the choice is made, but I spent alot of time considering my choices before my hand was forced (I could have kept considering and being miserable for an indefinite period of time, since underneath my strong exterior I am ultimately a coward about making big decisions).

Today I made the choice to walk instead of catching a bus (ended up walking for 2 hrs, yay me), even though it was looking like rain, and at one stage did rain, but then I made the choice to keep walking anyway and enjoy being wet.

During my long walk I thought about living in the same house as X (ex-DH is just too much time to spend on writing his pseudonym). I was imagining what I would say if someone asked me how I can do it without wanting to rip his eyes out.

ummm, well, for starters I don't go around ripping people's eyes out when they p*** me off. And, well, he isn't that bad a bloke. I don't like him, he isn't the right bloke for me by a long shot, but he isn't a bad bloke. He doesn't hit girls, he is responsible with money...hang on, I take that back and will write more shortly... he can cook, he can do some housework, umm...ok. I say 'can' regarding the house stuff because he sees it as optional and chooses not to do it, or to do as little as possible. But he is kind of boring and not really interested in life outside of his teeny little box.

Speaking of boxes and money...he bought an enormous LCD tv. With a surround sound system that stands on poles around the room. The tv doesn't surprise me, since that is his number one passion, but speakers on poles? Idiot! Helloooo, we have a TODDLER! I said as much to him. I made some comment about him thinking like a single man, he thought I was having a go at him about spending so much, but I don't care, it is his money and he earnt it, but speakers on poles is just plain dumb, and I said that.

Idiot. He laughed it off and I just said that I was glad it wasn't my problem. Sucked in to him when Toddler breaks them because X isn't keeping an eye on him. Idiot.

Had a look at an apartment today. It is in a great spot and I have every part of my body that I possibly can crossed in hope. It is above my budget, but so is everything else around here, and I am keen to move. The agent was friendly and I made it clear that I could move in immediately and that I had the money for all the costs available.

Had my second weigh-in yesterday and I have lost 2.3kgs. (watch me dance, baby!!!!!!) I am pleased and am aiming to keep those scales going down. I went out and bought the Wii Fit today on my walking trip (and carried it home, it is heavier than you think, lol), I will go and set it up shortly and have a play. I am looking forward to my dance classes starting in two weeks. Oh, I finally heard back from the cricket team, too late ladies, my dance classes are on the same time, so there goes that idea for this season.

I am surprised by what a difference a couple of kilos can make in how I feel physically, but it is probably the good food I am eating too, instead of all the crap. I don't feel like I have more energy, because I am not sleeping too great, but my stamina is better and slopes and stairs aren't so breath-taking in the literal sense, lol.

Have a great long weekend and if you are in NSW don't forget to put your clock forward one hour tomorrow morning.

A moment to type

I haven't had the chance to write since ex-DH got home. He sits at the table behind me and uses his new laptop, and has a tendency to look over at what I am doing.

I am fine. I feel nothing for him, which came as some surprise. I thought I would feel a bit sad, but no, he is just a guy I share a house and kids with. His arrival home has been uneventful and Toddler has been fine with him, this is a relief. The older two are enjoying his presence, I think.

Ex-DH took the time to actually check out the housing situation, and now understands where I am coming from. There is 9 properties in 32 suburbs around this area that I can attempt to afford, they are priced between $420 and $450. I am going to look at an apartment on Saturday that is $430.

Work is fine, everything is generally ok. I don't like sleeping in No.2's bed, but I can handle it for the short term.