An entertaining couple of days

I took DS3 to see the Wiggles live in concert yesterday. This involved a 40min bus ride each way. When we got there I was highly amused to see the number of prams parked on the sidewalk outside the theatre, and the fact they had 'Pram Control' people, lol.

Needless to say, DS3 loved the concert from start to finish. He didn't move from his seat the whole time, except to do a few brief dance moves, so cute. We had a seat riiight up the back (second last row) but it was in a good spot for being able to see the stage (just hard to see the faces on the stage, but who cares, it's the Wiggles!!). I think the funniest part was seeing Captain Feathersword and a 'duck' doing the MC Hammer dance! I was very good and wasted no money on goodies after the show. We have quite a few Wiggles dvd's and two t-shirts, I think that is sufficient. DS3 slept during the bus ride back, stayed asleep when I got off and transferred him to the pram, stayed asleep when I moved him into the car, stayed asleep when I took him inside and put him into bed, and slept for another hour until I woke him to go pick up DS2. I have to admit it wore me out too, I should have had a nanna nap, but had other things to do.

Today was a busy day. I went to work early (8.30) so that I could leave early as we had a birthday party to go to tonight (it was on from 4pm-7pm so we were going to miss some anyway)......

Right now I am negotiating a discussion about who threw balls first. I reckon mankind have been throwing things at each other since the dawn of time (I daresay Eve chucked the apple at Adam when she gave birth for the first time, maybe she even chucked the whole tree)....

Anyway....

I finished work at 4.30pm, went and collected DS1 and DS2, dropped them at the party, collected DS3 from daycare, came back to the party. It is amazing how much noise ten boys can make! Surely girls aren't as noisy. It is like boys compete to see who can be the loudest! they had a Pinyata (wow, I don't know how to spell this word and I really can't be bothered looking it up). It was a papier mache balloon and DS1 managed to break the stick over it, instead of breaking the thingy (lol). They found a thicker stick but still no-one could break it, so they ended up playing soccer with it until it broke! Pretty entertaining. My friend (mother of the birthday boy) made it and had done layer after layer of paper, it was really thick. I find Pinyata's scary because of the stick, it is so easy for accidents to happen, but the boys were kept back and under vague control so nothing happened.

We stayed until after 7pm, I helped my friend with some of the cleaning up. I was glad to go home, I had been feeling sick and headachy all day. I think I will have an early night. DS3 is in bed and the other two are having a ball fight with the balls that I bought for the ball pit. This has been a pretty regular game for the last couple of weeks, I allow it as long as they clean up the balls.

DS1 has completed his half year exams, he seems confident.

I spoke to my best friend (13yrs and counting) tonight, she is looking forward to having bub arrive in 10 days. I am so excited about going to see her next week and having a cuddle with her new baby. I have quilts for her baby and her 3yr old nearly finished, I'll do some major work on them this weekend and will post photos (tried to do it tonight but having issues).

We have soccer in the afternoon tomorrow, yay, I can have a sleep in until 8am, lol, if DS3 lets me.

Since DS2's 8th birthday falls while we are away we are having his party on this Sunday instead. We are going to a massive indoor playground with 10 of his buddies. Everything is catered for so I don't have to worry about it, and it is still only costing what I would have spent if I had done it myself (except it involves alot less stress and NO cooking, yay). I think I will still do a cake for him on his actual birthday, and I will give him his pressies then.

Daycare announced today that they are putting their fees up another $5 per day from 1st July. I can appreciate why, but since my pay doesn't go up too it is going to make it a teeny bit tougher. It is already now at the point where I 'make' $4.50 an hour (what is actually left after I pay for childcare and petrol). Thank god I don't rely on my pay for anything really important, like rent and food. But I am noticing my food bill creeping up, what I could buy for $100 six months ago is now costing $130. Add to that the cost of petrol and I wonder how other people survive. We are fine because we have LPG installed, but if we relied just on petrol then I couldn't afford to work. Seems extreme, but having to fill the car would wipe out my income every week, how would I be able to justify working at all?

My boss told me recently that if I put my son into one of our council run childcare centres, then I can salary sacrifice, thereby saving on tax and having more take home pay. I am seriously considering this and will actually be at the relevant centre on Monday, so will have a look around and a chat to the director about fees and other stuff. I don't think the standard of care will be any less than what DS3 gets now. I was discussing the current centre with another mum today and she is considering moving her child too. We discovered that we both had some issues with the skill level and professionalism of a couple of the centre workers and also we were concerned that there is no structured program for kids over 2yrs old. I realise that DS3 is not even 2yrs old yet, but with the shortage of care where we are it pays to think ahead and get him settled in somewhere he is maybe going to stay long term.

Haven't heard from DH for a week. He replied to my email claiming that I had misunderstood him, as usual, well...whatever. I would rather a 'hello' than a'where were you', it really sets the tone for the whole conversation.

Dear Husband (could use other words)

Apparently your email arrived in my inbox at 3:22am, so no, I did not know you were calling tonight. I can't access Hotmail at work and this afternoon I basically came home, met the babysitter, and left for the trivia night - which I did talk about on your blog (I told you that I was doing the trivia, *insert tone dripping with sarcasm* thank you so much for asking , it went great, a big success that I helped to create *end sarcasm*). I didn't appreciate the 'where were you at this time of night' comment, nor did I appreciate you implying that I am spending your money. I hope you notice that I deposited the cheque - I hadn't done it because I only received it this week. I did not appreciate you asking me, in a previous email, if I had spent it (insert rude word here).

Regarding money can I point out that you expected me to save up for the car rego + all repairs (the car has an oil leak, the central locking needs repairing, the back seat belts may need replacing, the left hand blinker isn't working, and that is just what we know about), plus I have to save for my visit to support my best friend when she has her new baby (and who actually wants to know how my day was and listens to the answer), I also pay money on all the bills every week. So I find it a bit rude when I ask you about a bit extra for Will's birthday and you grumble. How about instead of putting aside the money for the holiday, I use that for Will instead and then save it up myself or go without something on the trip? Will that satisfy you?

I could add some rude words here, but I won't. I am angry and insulted, not that you care one way or another.

have a nice day

your wife
_______________________________________________________________

Our library ran a Family Trivia tonight. It was my idea and another colleague worked with me on it. It was a roaring success, we had 6 teams, lots of silly prizes and a great prize at the end that had everyone 'oohing'. Everyone said they would like to come again. I was so proud of the work we had done and how well it went. We also ran a Biggest Morning Tea (a fundraiser for the Cancer Council) this week, again my idea and organised/ran it with another colleague's help. It also went well, we had 50 people participate and we raised $200, not bad for a small library.

I am sitting here crying because my husband has never celebrated my successes, big or small. Yet I have celebrated, supported, and been openly proud of him as he pursued his Naval career.

I am so proud of what was achieved this week at work, I would like a pat on the back from my supposed life mate, not the parents who come to my Rhymetime, and not my fellow colleagues. Sometimes I feel like I am living with my mother! She never used to say to me 'good job' and I spent years hoping to hear that from her. We have resolved this and I can now say 'I love you' to her, and she to me, and mean it. But it took 10 years to get there and alot of work on both our parts.

My husband didn't even know what my job entailed until my mum asked me at Christmas last year and I told her my schedule, he just happened to be sitting at the table (I had been in the full-time position for 3 months at that stage). We never talk about my work, he shows no interest in what I do.

This isn't what I signed up for. When I met my husband he was studying at a technical college to be a Teacher's aide. He had dropped out of a Uni degree and opted for this instead. I was studying a degree in Counselling and Human Resources. He told me he was a football coach to young kids, he assisted in a Homework center, and he attended surf life saving, plus he had just left the army due to an injury. So that told me this was a bloke who was interested in kids, was studying to better himself, and cared about people's lives. Gee, I really fooled myself. He was doing the homework center because he was getting paid, when the money dried up, so did he. He quit coaching and surf life saving the year I met him. He completed his course, but never applied for any jobs and ended up working as a kitchen hand just to bring some money in, until three years ago when he joined the Navy. When he is at home he spends most of his free time sitting on the lounge watching sport. We are allowed to talk during ad breaks and we do not get a say in what to watch, unless he has something else to do (like sit on the computer). I had dreamed of him coaching our kids, participating in their lives, but he grumbles when I ask him to bath the toddler, or read a book to the kids, or just occupy them so I can cook dinner (yes, I work all day, come home and get to cook dinner, do housework and get the kids sorted, while he watches tv, joy of joys).

I made a mistake marrying him. We renewed our vows before he left for training three years ago, so I actually made the mistake twice. I feel like a fool. He's forgotten our anniversary the last two years, we have been married for eight years. There are no excuses.

Excuse Me?!

Please explain to me how it is MY fault that the phone didn't ring when you called. I am sorry you didn't get to talk to us, but where to you get off having a go at me? You wanted this damn phone line, it has had issues that I have had to deal with because you aren't here. For starters, it keeps cutting off my phone calls even when I haven't been on for 90mins, or, as tonight, it doesn't ring at all, or you can't use the internet while you are on the phone. Yet you want to dump on me. You told me you were ringing between certain times and apparently you were calling before I even walked in the door. I get home and want to at least get dinner cooking before I have to talk to anyone, these kids need feeding first! Arghh!

Communication was never our strong point, what on earth do you want to talk about when I only spoke to you a couple of days ago? Nothing has happened since, although you've done a bit of walking around which you emailed me about, what more is there? I get up, take kids to school, work, come home, feed kids, help with homework, nag them into bed, and then it's housework and my computer time. That's it. I blog for you pretty regularly, but there is only so much I can say, what's the point in repeating it on the phone? Why don't you start a conversation. I asked you to tell the boys a bit about what you do at work, is it sooo top secret that you could only spare two lines! OMG! Two whole lines sums up your entire work day/week/month!? Glad I'm not you then. Can't you tell them about where you sleep, what kind of chores you have to do each day, what you get to eat. God, you are such an uncommunicative person.

All you have done tonight with your rant at me is remind me why I don't like you.

It just isn't that easy

I am completely over working full-time. I am tired and guilty and depressed. But I love my job. And I feel needed and appreciated in ways that my family would never show me. I don't work for the money, it covers child care with a bit of pocket money left over, I work because I enjoy it. Well, I did...

I was working casual/part-time. That suited me quite well, I was studying and had time for that as well as being able to pick up my kids from school and still help out there some days. But since I went full-time eight months ago I feel like all I have done is work. I keep missing out on stuff at school, I feel bad about not being there for the kids at the end of the day, I feel bad that my toddler goes to day care for far too many hours a week. The only real family time we get is on weekends and that is spent at sports, doing the damn housework and shopping, plus my oldest tends to go off to a mates place and I barely see him at all.

I realise I am in the same position as many other women out there. I chose to go full-time because I have been studying for what seems like forever and I viewed this field as being difficult to break into, so I wanted to grab the opportunity while it was there. But I think perhaps I should have just relaxed about it. I was getting valuable work experience as a casual, I could have waited. But I was greedy for real work experience and now I am paying the price.

I could leave, yes, but it isn't that easy. I am emotionally attached to the job. I have people who I enjoy seeing on a weekly basis. I have people who enjoy seeing me, who get alot out of my programs and who make me feel like I am making a difference in their lives (however small). But I am tired and I find myself depressed. Mind you, my marriage isn't helping there. And the cluckiness has raised it's ugly head again. So my head is swirling with marriage problems, babies hunger and work issues. Arghhhhh!! And I can't resolve any of this until DH comes home in September. Arghh!! It's doing my head in. I keep telling myself it is only for 4 more months, by my goodness that is a looong time.

That's just how it is

I spend altogether too much time analysing my marriage. It isn't depressing anymore, just sad.

Work, hmmm, I still enjoy it, but I have settled into it now and so the honeymoon period is over. I have been in my full-time position for 8 months. It hasn't been easy working full-time, I do wish I had stuck to the part-time work, but I was keen to get on with my career. Unfortunatley I am now missing out on spending time with my kids and being part of their school lives. It is the price you pay, I suppose. I feel like I can't walk away, but perhaps circumstances later in the year, or early next year, will force me to move anyway.

The thing I love most about my job is also what I hate, lol. People. That's it in a nutshell. I love entertaining the kids, reading and singing to them. I enjoy talking to the parents and swapping ideas for toilet training and feeding. But I hate the mess the children create. I hate the way they pull books off the shelves and leave them lying on the floor. There are very few parents who tell their child to pick up the books and put them away, or even just stack them in a pile to be put away later. I hate how they destroy my displays that I work so hard on. I hate how sometimes it feels like an up hill battle to keep the children's area looking inviting.

I hate our IT department and the fact that it seems determined to keep us in the stuck in the early 19th century. We are pretty much the last library in the COUNTRY to not have it's catalogue online. We don't have USB access, we don't have Microsoft Word on our computers, we don't have our own web page. We do have two computers, that are constantly booked out, but only offer printing and internet services. We have one word processing computer, but no internet on it, so if you need to print an attachment, in Word, you can't. It is so incredibly frustrating, and embarrassing, and it doesn't help us keeps our patrons happy.

Mind you, some people will never be happy. One woman ranted at me this week because I couldn't make her document look they way she thought it should. Another man, who comes in regularly, doesn't seem to know what a shower is and wastes our time with his inane requests for lists of things (literally). Last week he came in three times wanting the list of every particular shopping centre in one state. Don't mind doing it once, but three times, for the same thing! Seriously, this is such a waste of our time. But we do it, with a smile (and gritted teeth), because it is our job. It just isn't pleasant all the time.

I still get on well with the other staff members. Some of them I don't talk to much, and others I get on great with. Overall, the job is a good one and I suppose I should consider myself lucky, it could be worse. Must admit that I regularly think about becoming a stay at home mum again though.

I like to...

I enjoy driving along the freeway. I like to play leap frog with other cars. I tend to pick one and then overtake it, and if they overtake me, then I take the next opportunity to overtake them, and so on. I don't know if they notice it, maybe they do. The game ends when they turn off, I turn off, or they get so far ahead of me that I can't catch up without speeding.

I like to read. I read a wide variety of books, anything that catches my attention really, but I have to be in the mood for it. For example, if I am in a Sci Fi mood, then you won't see me reading romance or historical fiction. I admit to some selection preferences. I don't like reading about England during the Elizabethan period, it irritates me for some reason. There is some Sci Fi I am not interested in, like...umm...some guys funny name that I can't recall, lol, starts with an 'A', lol. Tonight would be a good night for some romance fiction, I am a bit tired and so it won't strain my brain. I like Biographies, I find other people's lives interesting and often inspiring. I can't say that sports stuff interests me, I steer away from it on tv as well, unless it is a good movie, like 'Remember the Titans'. I don't own it, I should buy it.

Movies...I like movies too, things like 'Pay it Forward' and 'Sleepless in Seattle' and 'Die Hard'. Again, I have to be in the mood, and usually need some handsewing or knitting to do to justify sitting still for so long, lol. I have been watching 'The Vicar of Dibley' series, not a movie, but it is on DVD so it qualifies, lol. If you like British comedy then check this out, it is such a giggle, oh, but don't watch it if you get easily offended by people who make religious jokes.

I enjoy music, such as Evanesence, Kenny Rogers, Pearl Jam, The Cars, Dixie Chicks, lots of others, lots of genres.

I like seeing my kids smile and laugh. They don't out loud laugh much, they generally just smile. And such beautiful smiles.