GIrls are weird

I am blogging during a work break because my internet at home is making steam come out of my ears! Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, sometimes it does for about 10 minutes, and then stops and you can't get it going again. And the phone....grrrrr....I rang my mum last night and was cut off three times in an hour. I gave up after the third time.

So hence my absence for the last day or so. I think I shall call my provider and blast their ear drums, except cutting off their connection will leave me with no phone/WWW at all until I get something else organised. Deep breaths....

My washing machine has broken down again. I am so not impressed. As a mother I am reliant on my washing machine for ensuring my children remain clothed in clean attire, as well as my own need for a clean uniform for work. This time the spin/drain function is not happening, so I have someone coming to look at it next Monday. Please let it be a simple problem.

BOOKclub was entertaining yesterday. I had three year 6 girls attend and discussion ranged into all sorts of weird and wonderful areas. For example, we were talking about swallowing bugs, then one girl said 'What if you swallowed a caterpillar, would it still turn into a butterfly?' It is amazing the descriptions that developed from that, of a butterfly emerging from the mouth (along with appropriate noises).

We also discussed what was 'in' at their school, and what was not. So according to the girls, at the beginning of the year all the girls were into boys (but the boys were, like, 'eeewww'), then they got over that and everyone was in to 'Smiggle' (a stationary brand), now the boys are into girls, the girls are all 'whatever' and the girls are into playing 'stacks'. yes, 'stacks'! The game where you all pile on to one person. I asked if that hurt and they said 'yes, but no, like, sort of, but it's fun'.

bizarre

I thought boys were weird.

Was I weird like that when I was their age? I remember being into boys and books. I used to race my best friend across the quad to the library, I thought it looked like I was showing off, but it was actually because I was too shy to walk across! I probably attracted more attention by running, lol. So yes, I guess I was a bit weird.

My boys aren't really weird. They are very funny though. We have a fake plastic spider in the house that keeps popping up in the oddest places! It is a family game that we have going, to see if we can scare each other. It's gone past that now though, because we recognise it as soon as we see it. Today I found it in my handbag, after I had left it on No. 2's shoe. hmmm, where can I put it?

Rainy days

It has been pouring with rain today. Toddler loves the rain, and he especially loves puddles! So when I picked him up from Kindy today we spent some time jumping in the puddles (yes, I jumped in them too, of course). He just thought that was the bees knees, lol. He has a little yellow rain poncho type thing that has a hood, but he does not like having the hood up. He looks like a little bit of sunshine in a cloudy day when he wears it.

One day he will discover the joy of mud pies.

It is very very cold. 9 degrees in fact, with icy wind and rain, brrrr. The hot water bottles will be out tonight!

Rainy days make me think of the Carpenters song - Rainy Days and Mondays. Oh, it's Monday today too! Lol. I had the Carpenters playing when I was in labour with Toddler, it was just the right type of smooth flowing music that I needed. I recall singing along to it in between contractions, and focusing on it when in the middle of one.

Sleeplessness and clutter

My eyeballs are beginning to hang out of my head due to self imposed tiredness. I have recently discovered Tamora Pierce - I have read 'Trickster's Choice' and 'Trickster's Queen' and with both books I found myself awake into the wee small hours of the morning because I just could not put them down. I am very excited about reading more from this amazing writer.

I have been attempting to address clutter issues as I am keeping in mind my desire to have a simpler life, and that includes just being content with less. Besides, I had a number of boxes, in a shed, that I haven't opened in the year we have lived in this place, so it was time to do a real sort and chuck. I spent yesterday and today on this project and am satisifed with the dent I made. Out of 10 boxes I got rid of the equivalent of 5. Pat on the back for me, lol. We are having a council pick up tomorrow, the boxes of stuff that is going are sitting out there waiting to disappear.

I have been saving carefully for a few weeks now as there were some items I wanted to replace - old and/or broken with new. So today I went out and bought...
A new computer desk
Headphones for the computer (required for sanity)
Kettle (I wore the other one out)
A mouse for the computer (replacement of 'antique', lol)
A fish tank! This was purchased as our goldfish (his name is Spud) has grown out of his previous home, I expect he will be very happy to move.
A camera. hmmm, well, the old one wasn't actually that old, or broken, but I hated it passionately. It was very temperamental and this made photo taking very stressful. Mind you, I have gotten some absolutely gorgeous photos with it, but it's not worth the pain as I believe I can do it with the new one too. I will be testing it out soon.

So Sunday was spent building a computer table. It seriously took me and the boys (great helpers) 4 hours!!!! I was sooo glad when it was finally finished and set up.
We also visited a lovely friend who I haven't seen for a while, the boys and I went expecting to stay an hour, and ended up there for nearly three!

Here's another blog for you to check out...

I've been surfing

hmmm, let me collect my thoughts for a moment...
(pause)
Well, tonight I have been surfing the blogweb and discovering ever more blogs to read. It is the initial discovery that takes the longest as you read some of the blogger's most recent posts to get a feel for the person and their style of writing, before deciding if this is a blog you would like to visit regularly. Me, I love to read about other people's lives, they seem so much more interesting than mine.

Tonight I have selected a few for you to pop over to...
Tales from the Dadside...Yay, a blokes point of view of parenting, and he's funny too, what a bonus!

Whiskey in my sippy cup...this lady is entertaining.

Dancing with Frogs...a favourite of mine that I think I have mentioned before, sorry.

Well, that's a start for you anyway.

This one got me thinking about how I use my time after kidlets have gone to bed (usually reading blogs and housework). I can't say I am completely unsatisfied with how I spend my time currently, although I am sure it could be put to better use. That being said, I always knit or sew while watching tv as I can't bear to be plonked on the lounge with nothing to do (watching tv is NOT doing something IMO).

hmmm, speaking of tv's that reminded me of an email that DH and I have been passing back and forth. I asked him (via email), completely out of the blue, 'If you bought a house where would it be and what would it look like?' His reply was 'I could live anywhere, almost, preferably near a large centre. It wouldn't matter what it looked like as long as it had a big yard and wasn't derelict, and not around too much housing commission.' Then he asked why I was asking. I replied 'Wanted to see if we wanted the same thing. Nope. No surprise there though.' I think it sounds kinda mean when I read back, but honestly, his blinkered behaviour is really getting to me. He keeps acting like our relationship is perfect when that couldn't be further from the truth. By the time he left for his deployment we were barely speaking to each other! I just don't get it.

Anyway, he sent back an email asking me for my answer and I pretty much copied and pasted some of this, clearly it is rather more detailed than his. I included the bit about the unappealing tv. And so I get this back...'Hi, well what can I say? I cant argue with you on most of it, but if this dream/plan involves me you must know that I will always love my sport and will always want FOX and a big TV.' OMG, he still does not get, after 9 YEARS, that I hate the goddamn tv, that I think it has been a big factor in the difficulties that our marriage has faced. Excuse me while I go stomp around for a bit...
(pause)
OK, I feel better now (and less stiff too, I was creaking when I stood up). Yes, the tv is a MAJOR part of DH's life. Instead of going for a walk with his family, or going on some sort of family outing (because god forbid we would actually want to spend time with him when he hasn't been home all week), he prefers to spend from Friday evening to Sunday evening parked on the couch watching the goddamn sport (my apologies for using such a strong word). I HATE it, and that IS a strong word too, and I say it with full meaning. He spends NO quality time with us as a family, if we want to talk to him we have to wait for an ad break. What kind of example is this setting for our kids? How is this behaviour supposed to keep our marriage strong (well, in this case, stop it from falling apart at the seams). I am sorry, but the TV has very little future in my life. I sure as heck did not want a relationship with a man and his tv. When we got together I thought I was in a relationship with a different person, as I discussed here (you need to get past the grr factor of that post first).

I don't want to talk about work today, but I will. I got there early this morning and instead of sitting at my desk until 9am, I went and spent nearly an hour tidying messes and putting books away. Then I sat at my desk. I had been there for about ten minutes when a colleague walked in and said, 'Don't you think you should be out helping to shelf tidy?' OMG that made me MAD! I said 'I have just spent the last hour shelving and tidying', she was surprised because she hadn't seen me doing it (like I advertise everything I do in this job...whatever *sarcasm*). So she said 'Well, the children's area is still untidy, would you come out and tidy it please' I think she saw the black cloud descend upon my head as I stood up and went out, because she didn't speak to me again all morning. I overheard her say later to our supervisor something about people not helping with shelf tidying and I hope she wasn't referring to me because I just don't need that b*shit. I work just as hard as everyone and have the added disadvantage that my kid's area is ALWAYS messy. It is the one thing I dislike about this job (makes me want to cry sometimes).

Anyway, I learnt a valuable lesson - no matter how much I think I am doing the right thing by getting in and getting the work done, if there is no-one else around to see me doing it they will assume it was already done, and that I am not contributing, therefore I must not do anything to do with shelving or cleaning up before at least two or three people get there and see me doing it! Wow, does that makes sense?! More simply - I stay at my desk if I get in early, and go out to do tidying later, with other people.


Yet another night where I told myself I would go to bed before 10pm, and it is now after 11pm! I will go and read for half an hour, I am reading Clive Cussler. He is good, but not as exciting as Matthew Reilly's books.

It is raining tonight. I love the sound of rain on a tin roof. I remember lying in bed as a tween, listening to it and loving it even then. Definitely have to have a tin roof on my dream home.

It's not just about money

I live in Australia. In Australia if you use child care the government pays you a 30% rebate at the end of the financial year. So, like tax (if you are lucky enough to get some back), this is a way of getting a lump sum that can be tucked away into a nest egg.

DH called last night and, after we had exhausted conversation about the kids, he turned the subject to money. This was fine until he brought up the rebate, his words were 'We've been paying enough for it, we should get some back.' So you, the reader, look at that statement and you think, ok, so what? Weeelll...I work full-time, and in order for me to work full-time I put Toddler into child care.

Now, DH wasn't real bothered whether I worked or not, but one of his bones of contention was that I was only earning enough to pay for child care, petrol, and a little pocket money (that always ended up on the credit card). I had no issue with this as I knew a) I would get a pay rise in the future, b) that the older Toddler got the more his fees would reduce, and, c) importantly for me, I was getting valuable experience in my chosen field. So, with this in mind, I quite willingly and happily pay for all child care fees (although I am very happy to be paying less now that I have moved Toddler from his previous care).

But for some reason DH seems to think that he is entitled to get his hands on the rebate. hhmmmm, well, if I felt differently about us maybe that wouldn't be such an issue, but the fact is, is that I paid the child care fees so that I could work. Now you might argue that he works too, and pays for us to live. Therefore I must point out that if I didn't work we would be on one income, his, and I would probably be spending more because I wouldn't be so busy as I am now.

I realise I probably sound like a biatch. But he is a stingy so and so, or massively wasteful, there is no real in between with him. I actually want to own a home one day and I want to save a deposit up. It's not going to happen if we keep living from pay packet to pay packet.

I have worked out the minimum that myself and the boys could live on if DH and I go our separate ways. I have also looked into what government benefits we would receive. It matches up pretty well, there wouldn't be much money left over, but maybe that is not such a bad thing. I figure the boys can enjoy all the materialistic crap when they come to DH's place since I don't want it in mine. Will they suffer, hmmm, depends on what ends up being really important to them. I know they like family time, but there is precious little of that at the moment. Going back to basics would be an adjustment for all of us, and maybe a good one. I envision us working in the garden, taking delight in the world that God created, or playing games like chasies or Twister, rather than parked in front of some electronic thing. Maybe Tween wouldn't be so pleased about that, but maybe he just doesn't realise what a good thing it could be. Real fun can take some practice, lol.

I am a member of Simple Savings, an Australian website that encourages careful living and provides a supportive network for people who believe in a simple life style, or who want to do good things for the planet. It led me to Down to Earth, a blog written by the wife of a couple who have made the choice to take the simple path and gain great enjoyment from it. This woman has the life I want.

I can have it too.

Money and stuff is not the be all and end all of things. I can't take any of it with me when I die. I don't want to be remembered for the gifts I bought, I want to be remembered for the part that I played in people's lives, including my own children. I want to live on in memories, as that Librarian who led the future prime minister (lol) to this book, or helped Joe Blogg get an 'A' in that assignment; as the mother who had time to give a much needed hug, who was fun to be around.

I believe I can have this too.

An enlightening conversation

Got up this morning and thought, 'yay, the antibiotics are working'. Walked out the front door and started coughing, and coughing, and coughing. Nothing like fresh air to make you want to cough your guts up! Didn't really settle down for the rest of the day. And now, to top it off, I have an ear ache coming. I can feel the pressure building in my ear and it has been itchy too, a sure sign something is not right. *sigh*

I took part in an interesting (for me) conversation at work today. You may be aware that I am a loyal type of girl, that I was struggling with the possibility that I may have to leave my job in the next 6 months or so, that I had hoped to be there long term. So the conversation was between myself (at the job for 18 months), and two of my colleagues, J (been there for a couple of years) and L (been there for a looooong time, 15 years +). Somehow J and I started talking about where we saw ourselves in 4 or 5 years time. J said 'anywhere but here' and I was blown away. Somewhere in my dreams I had imagined all us 'young' ones being here and getting grey together, just like the current older group (about 7 of them, including L, have been there for more than 15 years). But J says that she never planned to stay here permanently, that she will do a couple more years here, maybe, and then move on. L said that she hadn't really planned to stay so long, but the place suited her and that was that. I ummed and ahhed, since I didn't want to say that I might not be here in a years time, let alone 4, but I did say that I saw myself as a branch manager in 4 or 5 years time, and J said that there were lots of jobs going at the moment and I should apply!! What the...!! I said 'no' as I want to get more experience under my belt, particularly in budgeting and supervision. But hearing that J felt so comfortable about moving on in the next couple of years gave me some mental freedom. I realised that no matter how much the staff and parents may say 'stay' I am free to make my own choices and not feel obligated to them. I can move on if I need to. Yes, there is the fear of 'what's next?', but I am resilient, I am strong, and I can be brave on the outside (while on the inside I am shivering my timbers, lol).

So I left the central library and headed over to the branch library, where I stopped and chatted with another colleague, one of the few men in the job and young like me. We started at the same time. I asked him whether he planned to be here in a few years time and he too said 'probably not'. He wants a specific type of job, and said that once something comes up he will apply for it, depending on where it is in relation to where he lives. That got us talking about commuting to work. I am in a great position where I live, I am only 10 minutes maximum from work. My colleagues generally travel at least half an hour in heavy traffic. When I look at how little time I have left in the day to spend with the kids, or just to function well as a household, I know I could not commute. If DH and I split I can't afford to rent anything less than forty minutes to an hour away. I shudder just thinking about it. This is why I have to look at leaving work, as I cannot find a financially viable way of staying in my job if DH and I split (well, the 3 kids and I could live in a really cruddy 2 bedroom apartment on the fourth floor with no elevator, we could never have take out and I would have to save for the entire year so they could go to soccer, umm, no thanks, no job is worth that).

Maybe my dream of a simple life isn't so far away after all.

Ok, I admit it...

I do miss my big boys. While DS3 is lovely to cuddle, it isn't the same as a wrap around hug from my eldest, or a quick squeeze from DS2. I also miss our nightly routine of goodnights...
Kiss, hug, and tuck in, then (as I walk out the door)...
I love you (me)
I love you too (DS1 or 2)
I love you three (me)
I love you four (DS)
I love you more (me)
No, I love you more (DS)
Nah ah, I love YOU more! (me)....
and so on until I say 'that's enough, go to sleep!' All with a smile and a light feeling in my heart.

I found this entertaining post from another blog I visit and thought 'gee, what an original kid she has'.

Sweet dreams

Photos

This is me in my Elmo PJ's in the staffroom...


And this is myself and Jennifer singing Rock-a-bye your Bear, that's Matt in the foreground...

A little quieter

Well, my older two are now safely depostied at my mothers. I am sure they will enjoy themselves and I hope that they will be happy to see me next Saturday.

Today was a 'me' day. These days are VERY rare, as usually I am working or cleaning house, and while i might get an hour 'me' time here and there, it is not like having a whole day stretching before me filled with numerous possibilities. Some of my day was mapped out for me, I had a doctors appointment and I had to pop into work for ten minutes.

After dropping DS3 off at day care I headed up to Spotlight - large fabric superstore. We have very little in the way of fabric stores in my local area so this was the place of choice. I was after some lining for a shirt I am making for a wedding in August, this was easy to find, so I was in and out in 20 minutes. Then dropped into work. Then I was free for a while!

I went and had two inches chopped off my hair, so it is back to sitting just above my collar. The feeling of having my hair washed was divine. Then off to the video store to check out the latest offerings. I had thought I might see a movie at the cinemas, but decided that I really couldn't be bothered wasting 2 hours in the shopping centre and paying a ridiculous amount for a movie I might not like. So video store instead. I hired 'Jumper' and 'Alien vs Predator 2: Requiem'. Now, I am a romance kind of girl usually, but there was just nothing that appealed to me, and these were ones I had been wanting to see for a while.

So home I went, put 'Jumper' on and set up to cut out the shirt I am making. I am using a beautiful grey silk chiffon and lining it with the stuff I bought today. I enjoyed 'Jumper' but felt there were some odd gaps in the story. I think I will go and read the book now. I am saving AvP2 for tonight.

Then back out to see the doctor. I am now on strong antibiotics for what he has diagnosed as Bronchitis (he did this by only looking at my throat and hearing me cough! Amazing powers of deduction). We discussed the tingling I have been getting in my ring finger and he decided to refer me to a neurologist to see if there has been nerve damage of some sort. In the meantime I am keeping a closer eye on when the tingling gets worse (when I am driving an use that arm, when I am carrying something, when I have my hand bag on that shoulder, just for starters).

Home again to complete the cutting of the shirt and then jumped on to the computer for an hour to catch up. Which is where you find me now! I am about to go and collect DS3 from daycare, it will be nice to have him home in the day light.

I chatted to my best friend last night. She is struggling a little with her new baby. I wish I had taken my holiday now, rather than at the birth, as now is when she could use the help. Although, with three kids tagging along I am not sure I would have been much help. Anyway, I encouraged her to seek assistance from Tresillian and she will hopefully do that. I opened up with her a little and discussed DH with her. I generally keep things to myself, and write on here, but I just wanted to share with a physical being. She was supportive and I appreciated her taking time to hear me.

I only have a couple of people I call my 'friend', the one I spoke to last night, and another who I have neglected badly, yet she still counts me as one of her two best friends. When she told me this I was ashamed, because I haven't been a good friend to her, and I said that I didn't deserve to be regarded so highly. She brushed me off, but it makes me realise that my perception of a relationship isn't necessarily the same as someone elses, and that I need to give the right people more time. I feel blessed to have the friends that I do.

Spending time with mum yesterday was nice. While driving home I mused on the fact that I feel I am more like my mother than I ever thought I might be. I remember denying the similarities countless times to my ex partner and my DH, simply because at the time I did not want to be like her. Now that my relationship with my mother has developed and matured I am not so bothered by that comparison. She has some admirable qualities (and some not so admirable, but aren't we human after all?). But I find our lives running strangely parallel - she has raised three boys alone, still has two at home, and I am pratically doing that now. She subscribes to a simpler life in some ways, she believes in independence and being self-sufficient and she has always made do with what she has. She has always been a hard worker. I know she is proud of me, I can hear it in her voice, it's all I ever wanted from her - to know that she was proud of me. Perhaps if/when DH and I separate then maybe she will be a little sad, it is doubtful that I will stay in this city due to living costs, but I think that with the skills I have that maybe finding work won't be so hard (even if I decide to take a break for a couple of years).

I am off to get my lovely DS3 now. Today he didn't cry at all!!!!

...had issues posting this so I am adding to it now (2 hrs later) and will hope it posts this time!

I decided today was the day I would pop back to DS3's previous daycare to say 'Hi'. I wanted to see if I missed them, or if DS3 missed them. No, we didn't. It was nice to visit, but I was glad he wasn't going there any more, and he was happy to say 'hi' and have a cuddle and a little play with his old mates, but he was just as happy to leave too. I feel more secure in the decision I made. I also can't get over how much less fuel I am using! Instead of going through a tank a week I am going through just over half! Very pleased about that.

A bit of fun

We had a PJ's and Stories session at work last night. While we only had 5 kids there it was a good practice run. I want to do it again in October when we have 'Fairytale Month' (one of my brilliant ideas, lol). This time we did a feltboard story, a stick puppet story, and a book. We sang sleepytime songs like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I will do alot more promotion for the next one, and maybe have it in the morning instead of at night so that we can invite a couple of kindy's to come along as well. I have photo's at work (thanks to DS1 who was our camera man), I will post them in the next day or so. I wore Elmo pj's and had my hair in pigtails, lol, it was fun.

The children's area was messy again yesterday and today, last night I had to rush around cleaning it up before our storytime. SO annoying.

Work was quite good today. I had a bookseller come and she had such a huge range, I was quite impressed. She normally sells to schools so the non-fiction is very suited to the current primary school curriculum. I enjoyed going through the fiction and picture books and seeing what is being produced at the moment.

Tax time again. I started doing it last night, then realised I needed DH's income to complete mine. I don't think I will get much back anyway, but I like to get it out of the way early.

DS3 didn't cry too much this morning, even though there was a few different faces in the baby room. He is two years old in a month!

When my mum and I get on the phone we have a good old yarn about various things, like patchwork (she is an award winning quilt artist), and boys (I have two brothers still at home) and work. Mum is qualified in aged care and she has an elderly man she takes care of in her home, so we spent some time tonight discussing him. He has a difficult personality and is quite demanding. I worry for her health because she becomes quite stressed when he has had a bad day. I admire her for taking care of him, and I know she does not shirk her duties, but he can be very challenging. He is 99 years old and physically quite healthy, which is wonderful for him, but mentally he is in the early stages of dementia. I am glad she can vent to me about him, it gives her some release.

My cough has developed a bit and I can now feel it in my chest. I have an appointment on Monday to see the doctor.

Ups and Downs

I really needed to do some singing and dancing when I came home today. It is guaranteed to make me feel better.

Work was good until I came off my desk shift this afternoon to discover that some child/ren had trashed the children's area. There were books all over the floor, mixed in with the blocks, and books on some of the shelves had been pushed over. It made me want to cry, but that is pointless, so instead I stomped around the children's area tidying up and putting books away. I just don't understand how parents can allow their children to make this kind of mess and do nothing about it. School holidays are worse because there are kids around all day instead of just the afternoon. Maybe I just need to get more vigilant, except then I feel like the big bad shushing librarian, lol.

On a positive note, I had another parent tell me how much they appreciate the Rhymetime sessions and how much they missed me when I was away. I can't imagine that it is my poor voice that makes such an impression, maybe it is my enthusiasm, the fact that I sing to the kids and look at them when I do it, and that I have kids of my own. Also, I am passionate about children enjoying the library (but not making a mess of it!) so I read ALOT of children's and Young Adult books so that I can recommend them and talk about them. I enjoy children's literature and generally I enjoy children.

I love my Tupperware Baking Forms. I am baking a cake right now and the recipe says bake in moderate oven for 40 mins, but after 20 mins my cake is done. I am using the Slice Form, I sprinkle a bit of water over the base before I put in the cake mix, then pop it into the middle of the oven. Even though it is silicone I don't need a tray underneath as it holds its form well, and more so when the cake is cooked. I also have the muffin forms. It is a good idea to put patty cake trays in the base, as they still tend to stick a little there. They are easy to clean. There is a new colour range out now, pumpkin orange, and brown! Interesting choices for colour. I have seen some of other countries' range and I like alot of the things that we can't even get here. I guess the departments must decide what appeals to the primary market.

DS3 only squawked a little when I left him at day care today. He was a bit sad when I picked him up, he had jammed his hand in a door, but was getting lots of cuddles and an ice pack so was pretty cosy. He has a favourite staff person named Susie, he now asks for her if she is not there when he arrives.

It isn't often that I indulge in a 'what if...' session, but I did briefly today. I have few regrets in my life, the main one being that I went to the tacky city for a holiday instead of going to NZ, but I am hoping to change that by actually going to NZ. Even some of the not so nice parts of my life I would do again, simply because they helped to make me the person I am today. But I was 'what if' I did this, or did that, or lost this, or found that. Then I stopped because 'what if' really serves no purpose. I like to remind myself, now and then, that God only gives you what he knows you can handle, even though you may think it is too much or too hard. Sometimes it turns out to be a blessing, and, more often than not, it is character building.

Lots of photos and blessings

Sometimes it is hard to think of a title for my post before I have written it, so at the moment the space is blank. I am sure that will change by the time you actually read this.

We are now the proud owners of new shoes and a worm farm. We visited an enormous shoe warehouse last weekend and I was able to supply the older boys with home AND school shoes within my budgeted amount, YAY. We also visited a big nursery and discovered worms for much less than a competitors price and so splurged on a worm farm as well.


We spent the afternoon setting up the worm farm. DS3 taste tested the coconut fibre bedding that the worms would be living in, he wasn't impressed.
But he was very helpful getting it all watered and ready...

...and then was quite intrigued by the little wrigglers.


I made lame jokes about how the boys can go to school and say 'We have worms', I thought I was hilarious. Here is the finished product sitting in it's pride of place...


I believe God truly blessed me with my children. They are my pain and my joy, my anger and my happiness. I am grateful to have them in my life. I love that my 12yr old is still happy to kiss me goodbye in public, that he never screws up his face, that it seems as important to him as it is to me. I love how funny he is!

I love that my 8yr old is inquisitive and inventive. I love that he has a sweet giggle and that he tolerates my need for a hug and kiss now and then.

I thank god every day for the sunshine that is my nearly two year old. Even when the clouds pass over his face he makes my heart smile.


On the other hand...lol, lame joke, giggle...my ring finger on my left hands often tingles and my arm goes numb at night time. I have noticed some muscle weakness. My right hand aches in the lower center of my palm and feels tight. I wonder if I have carpal tunnel. It is possible, I do alot of typing, knitting, sewing, reading, all activities that require the use of my wrists and fingers. It is quite uncomfortable and sometimes very distracting. One of the main treatments is changing the way activities are done. I will have to think about that, because it is a bit hard to change any of my usual activities. Maybe simply taking lots of breaks, by changing what I am doing, will help. I need to see a doctor and discuss my concerns.

DH has been ringing nearly every day. It makes for strained conversation, because there is only so much I can say about work and kids before it all starts to sound the same. I was amazed to hear that he has spent most of his days off the ship at the movies. I mean, seriously, he is in another country, and he goes to the movies?! Oh, and eats Hungry Jacks (Burger King) and MacDonald's!!!! What can I say? I have an itinerary for my trip to NZ that includes all sorts of exciting NZ experiences. No way will you find me sitting in the movies when I could be out rafting or trekking through rainforests.

Oh well, what did I expect?

With DH away it has been easy to forget how upset I have been in the past. But it doesn't take much to bring it back, such as looking at the diaries, or even just having a simple phone conversation.

He called tonight and for once we were able to talk for more than six minutes. I asked him to tell me a bit about the country he is visiting and all he could say was that it is like any other country. Umm, well, I have no real personal experience of visiting 'any other country' and particularly not a Middle Eastern one, so I would have liked to hear about the foods and the markets and the smells and the transport, etc, etc. Nope. Got nothing. So I got off the phone feeling incredibly unsatisfied and feeling like I had done most of the talking because if I don't then nothing gets said or he asks another question about the kids. We really don't have much to say to each other. This trip is a perfect opportunity for us to chat about differences between countries, to share thoughts and ideas and for me to be amazed by what he is seeing. Nope, not going to happen. Let's just stick to safe subjects, like the kids.

I had told DH a couple of days ago, in an email, about the break ins and he had been told more by a colleague whose wife also lives locally. I mentioned a couple of times in the emails that I was a little freaked out by it all. Tonight he didn't ask me how I was, I wanted to tell him how I couldn't sleep because I was so scared, but the moment never really came. I am scared. I went around last night making sure all the doors and windows were locked and even locked the screen doors from the inside which I don't normally do.

I have kept my depression at bay for the last few weeks, but I can feel it sneaking up on me again. It is not helped by the fact that I feel ill and that DS3 isn't settling into daycare too well. Apparently he had a better day today, but he yelled when I left and the girls said he had been watching the door for me from about 5pm (I got there at 5.30pm). I think I am going to go straight to him after work instead of stopping at the shops to get milk and bread.

A friend of mine announced she is having a baby girl in December. I don't envy her the girl, but I do envy her the baby. I was chatting to a mum at one of my sessions recently and we were talking about baby milestones. I was remembering how the first few weeks with DS3 were tough, as we got used to him and he got used to the world and I was so overcome with desire for another baby that it shook me a little. When my kidlets are a bit older I would like to look at fostering. Sometimes I think about doing child care from home on a small scale, it is an option for the future.