I feel on top of the world today. No idea why. Maybe it is because the sun was shining when I woke, maybe it is because I have a stress free day ahead of me. It could be the two corsets I bought last night, or the fact I just signed back up to Weight Watchers again, cos my laziness and crap diet have caught up with me and I am close to 3 digits again. Could be because of all the compliments I got last night about what I was wearing, which was a dress I had made myself.
I don't know. But I am going to enjoy it.
I am not stressing over D. I am, strangely enough, liking that he is back in my life. I think I am crazy, but crazy is not so bad. Being with T and enjoying him as a friend, and not being caught up in all the emotional bullshit made me wonder if I could have that with D. I don't know.
Still in touch with T, he let me know he is looking for work and trying to stay positive. I still remain disappointed that his disease was something that was too big for me (and him too really) to handle, as I continue to think he is a great person.
My weight...I got on the scales yesterday morning and was not surprised by what I saw. I have noticed my clothes are tighter and my fitness is less. Decided to bite the bullet this morning and sign up for WW, just because it has worked for me in the past. I have set a goal to lose 19kgs. It will take me about 6 mths.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Disappointed
sooo...things are over with T. Turns out that he was not an ex-alcoholic, but a current one. He lost his job last week because he turned up drunk. I spent the weekend thinking about whether I wanted a relationship with a person with this disease, and decided that I could not handle it emotionally. I would stress about it and if he ever had a drink I would be a bitch about it, and I said all that to him when I saw him again. He appeared to understand, and we chatted for another hour about other stuff. I am glad that I never got emotionally involved, I enjoyed him as a friend and had just started thinking about a possible future for us when he sat me down and told me about his drinking and his job. It is disappointing that he is such a great guy, with such a massive problem.
Then...I asked D for help with something that I knew he was familiar with, and somehow that led to us meeting up and hanging out for a few hours.
Sigh...I get so frustrated with my own inability to just let him go once and for all.
Then...I asked D for help with something that I knew he was familiar with, and somehow that led to us meeting up and hanging out for a few hours.
Sigh...I get so frustrated with my own inability to just let him go once and for all.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
how things change
I have never been far away, but as usual, life gets in the way. I miss blogging tho, miss seeing my words on 'paper' and reading back over time. It's not really that hard to take 15mins or so to write, well...you would think.
Anyway
I temped at the gov job, did my usual 'fall asleep during the middle of the day out of sheer boredom' thing and decided when that contract ended and I was offered an extension, that no, I would not take it. The money was good and made a huge difference to my financial situation, but the job was detrimental to my uni (I came very close to failing a couple of subjects) and boring as bat shit. The hours also sucked. So I declined the offer and went on my merry way. Did the catalogues for a couple more weeks and then said 'screw this', the pay was crap for the amount of work required and the only benefit was the exercise (which I no longer do and miss). So I was jobless for oh...about 3 weeks..lol. Was at the gym one day and the girl I was with told me about a job listing she had seen in the change room, the gym was looking for someone for their creche. I went in and spoke to the lady, next day I dropped in my paperwork, two days later they called and asked me to do a trial, did that and got the job.
So I have been there for two months now. I can't say I like it all that much, but it is certainly challenging. I work two mornings with a colleague for two hours, and three evenings by myself for 3hrs a night, and every second Sat by myself for 3hrs. I have rearranged my life to fit in with this (which is not great but ...meh). I supervise/care for children aged 5 weeks to 12yrs and can have anywhere from 2 - 24 kids at any given time. I have one child who is there every day who has quite aggressive behaviour and I find she is my main challenge, although when I have 4 babies and they are all requiring my attention I find THAT is a real challenge! I come home feeling tired and feeling like I have not made a difference in the world other than to give some parents time to have a bit of a work-out. The experience is good, but I can't see myself being here long term.
Uni...what a drama that has been this semester. As I mentioned before, I came close to failing a couple of subjects, but stopped working just in time to make an awesome comeback and get two passes and two credits. So I get to this semester, select my subjects, forget about registering for tutorials, go to register and find that I can get almost nothing when it suits me best...meh. Yet again I am missing most of my lectures because they clash with work, but then there is more. One of my subjects, that I was particularly looking forward to, is Creative Arts. however, can't get to the lecture. One of my friends does go and writes to tell me that if I can't attend lectures then I am in a bad way because the Teachers will not be putting anything on the Student website. In other words, the lecture for this subject is compulosry. So I drop out of that subject and I pick up Maths (god forbid). I am already nearly two full weeks behind when this happens so I do a mass study session and catch up on that. I also had K-6 English, another subject I was kind of looking forward to. We have compulsory school visits for this, however the visits aren't assessed, they are just compulsory because the Head Teacher says so. It is an immediate fail if you don't attend. Initially I thought 'no problem at all', but then realised this week that one of the school visits falls when I am going to my best friends to help with her kids while she recovers from a ceasarean. So I contact the teacher to check about the school visits and she says 'withdraw or fail, your choice'. I'm all WTF??? So I can attend 3 of 4 and still fail??? 'yep'. Not happy. I withdraw. There goes $130 on textbooks. Hopefully I can use them next year. I may do 5 subjects in 2nd semester next year, just to try and catch back up. No way was I going to pick up a 2nd year subject 3 weeks into this semester.
So I am studying Maths (not my best subject...ever), Science (which is awesome! This week we extracted DNA from a strawberry and last week we poked holes in potatoes LOL), and Foundations of Child Development (which is all about how children grow up and what it is affected by).
Paid off a big chunk of debt with my tax return, so I am glad for the work I had last year that enabled me to do that.
Teen is going...fine. He has good moments and bad moments, but overall we aren't doing so badly. He is talking about looking for work and maybe staying on at school. The doc decided the lump on his leg was nothing to worry about and so that was that.
No.2 is good, plodding along as always. He attends Scouts now and seems to enjoy it.
Little Boy is gorgeous :-) He is 4 yrs old soon.
Love...lol @ D who is a total fail as far as life is concerned. He lives his life in front of the computer or at work and that just bores me to tears. I gave him the flick again about 3 months ago, and haven't looked back. I realised that at the time I met him he seemed like what I was looking for, but that as time went on I realised that he and I had little in common and he was not really very good at being in a relationship...basically, it was heading in the same direction that my marriage had.
So...about 2 months ago I met T. We have been dating for that time, and only last week took it to a new level. So it has been a nice, slow process of actually getting to know each other. He is 36, has two children that he spends alot of time with, has a stable job, does not live at home with mum and dad, and shares alot of my values and principles. I enjoy talking to him, and listening to him talk. He is a working man, so has a few rough edges, but I actually like that. He has a good work ethic, a good attitude about his kids, and a positive outlook on life. He is an ex-alcoholic, but has attended two years of AA and counselling and is comfortable with where he is at now (it's been about 3yrs since he sorted his stuff out). He had some shit happen in his childhood that he dealt with and now he enjoys a beer for the sake of a beer, rather than as a tool to drown memories. Should I be concerned that he still drinks? We have discussed it. He is very open and up front with me, because that is how he likes it, and from the stories he has told I get the definite impression that his couple of beers an evening are nothing compared to how much he drank before (we watched the movie Pay It Forward, the mother in it has a drinking problem and he told me her behaviour was much the same for him when he was at his worst and trying to quit). I feel ok about it. I am not much of a drinker myself and when I visit him at his house I head for the kettle rather than the fridge. Since this relationship is a slow process I will have time to get to know him and his habits better. He gets on fine with my kids, and I with his, we have had a few 'family' meet ups and our kids got on fine. He's not Prince Charming, but I met that guy and he was a dick, so the side-kick will do me just fine :-)
Mum is still alive and seems to have a new lease on life. She had a boyfriend for a while, but he has recently moved away for work, so I'm not sure how that is going to end up. She has been back outside pottering in her garden again, which is wonderful to see, and she has quilts on the go and one that she completed recently that won her prizes at a quilt show. All good things.
Oh...derby...well...that calf issue I was having is Shin Splints, and it got to the point where I was in tears from the pain at every training session. So I have eased off on the skating alot. I am still involved in other ways, but not bouting. I attend training twice a week, only skate for one of those sessions, and last about an hour before my body has had enough. It is disappointing and had me heartbroken for a bit, but I am better now and finding a new place for myself within the league. Unfortunately the lack of exercise means my weight is creeping up and I am hovering close to three digits again (kept it off for nearly two years tho, yay me). I am struggling to bring my eating under control. Looks like I need to head back to Weight Watchers again.
Anyway
I temped at the gov job, did my usual 'fall asleep during the middle of the day out of sheer boredom' thing and decided when that contract ended and I was offered an extension, that no, I would not take it. The money was good and made a huge difference to my financial situation, but the job was detrimental to my uni (I came very close to failing a couple of subjects) and boring as bat shit. The hours also sucked. So I declined the offer and went on my merry way. Did the catalogues for a couple more weeks and then said 'screw this', the pay was crap for the amount of work required and the only benefit was the exercise (which I no longer do and miss). So I was jobless for oh...about 3 weeks..lol. Was at the gym one day and the girl I was with told me about a job listing she had seen in the change room, the gym was looking for someone for their creche. I went in and spoke to the lady, next day I dropped in my paperwork, two days later they called and asked me to do a trial, did that and got the job.
So I have been there for two months now. I can't say I like it all that much, but it is certainly challenging. I work two mornings with a colleague for two hours, and three evenings by myself for 3hrs a night, and every second Sat by myself for 3hrs. I have rearranged my life to fit in with this (which is not great but ...meh). I supervise/care for children aged 5 weeks to 12yrs and can have anywhere from 2 - 24 kids at any given time. I have one child who is there every day who has quite aggressive behaviour and I find she is my main challenge, although when I have 4 babies and they are all requiring my attention I find THAT is a real challenge! I come home feeling tired and feeling like I have not made a difference in the world other than to give some parents time to have a bit of a work-out. The experience is good, but I can't see myself being here long term.
Uni...what a drama that has been this semester. As I mentioned before, I came close to failing a couple of subjects, but stopped working just in time to make an awesome comeback and get two passes and two credits. So I get to this semester, select my subjects, forget about registering for tutorials, go to register and find that I can get almost nothing when it suits me best...meh. Yet again I am missing most of my lectures because they clash with work, but then there is more. One of my subjects, that I was particularly looking forward to, is Creative Arts. however, can't get to the lecture. One of my friends does go and writes to tell me that if I can't attend lectures then I am in a bad way because the Teachers will not be putting anything on the Student website. In other words, the lecture for this subject is compulosry. So I drop out of that subject and I pick up Maths (god forbid). I am already nearly two full weeks behind when this happens so I do a mass study session and catch up on that. I also had K-6 English, another subject I was kind of looking forward to. We have compulsory school visits for this, however the visits aren't assessed, they are just compulsory because the Head Teacher says so. It is an immediate fail if you don't attend. Initially I thought 'no problem at all', but then realised this week that one of the school visits falls when I am going to my best friends to help with her kids while she recovers from a ceasarean. So I contact the teacher to check about the school visits and she says 'withdraw or fail, your choice'. I'm all WTF??? So I can attend 3 of 4 and still fail??? 'yep'. Not happy. I withdraw. There goes $130 on textbooks. Hopefully I can use them next year. I may do 5 subjects in 2nd semester next year, just to try and catch back up. No way was I going to pick up a 2nd year subject 3 weeks into this semester.
So I am studying Maths (not my best subject...ever), Science (which is awesome! This week we extracted DNA from a strawberry and last week we poked holes in potatoes LOL), and Foundations of Child Development (which is all about how children grow up and what it is affected by).
Paid off a big chunk of debt with my tax return, so I am glad for the work I had last year that enabled me to do that.
Teen is going...fine. He has good moments and bad moments, but overall we aren't doing so badly. He is talking about looking for work and maybe staying on at school. The doc decided the lump on his leg was nothing to worry about and so that was that.
No.2 is good, plodding along as always. He attends Scouts now and seems to enjoy it.
Little Boy is gorgeous :-) He is 4 yrs old soon.
Love...lol @ D who is a total fail as far as life is concerned. He lives his life in front of the computer or at work and that just bores me to tears. I gave him the flick again about 3 months ago, and haven't looked back. I realised that at the time I met him he seemed like what I was looking for, but that as time went on I realised that he and I had little in common and he was not really very good at being in a relationship...basically, it was heading in the same direction that my marriage had.
So...about 2 months ago I met T. We have been dating for that time, and only last week took it to a new level. So it has been a nice, slow process of actually getting to know each other. He is 36, has two children that he spends alot of time with, has a stable job, does not live at home with mum and dad, and shares alot of my values and principles. I enjoy talking to him, and listening to him talk. He is a working man, so has a few rough edges, but I actually like that. He has a good work ethic, a good attitude about his kids, and a positive outlook on life. He is an ex-alcoholic, but has attended two years of AA and counselling and is comfortable with where he is at now (it's been about 3yrs since he sorted his stuff out). He had some shit happen in his childhood that he dealt with and now he enjoys a beer for the sake of a beer, rather than as a tool to drown memories. Should I be concerned that he still drinks? We have discussed it. He is very open and up front with me, because that is how he likes it, and from the stories he has told I get the definite impression that his couple of beers an evening are nothing compared to how much he drank before (we watched the movie Pay It Forward, the mother in it has a drinking problem and he told me her behaviour was much the same for him when he was at his worst and trying to quit). I feel ok about it. I am not much of a drinker myself and when I visit him at his house I head for the kettle rather than the fridge. Since this relationship is a slow process I will have time to get to know him and his habits better. He gets on fine with my kids, and I with his, we have had a few 'family' meet ups and our kids got on fine. He's not Prince Charming, but I met that guy and he was a dick, so the side-kick will do me just fine :-)
Mum is still alive and seems to have a new lease on life. She had a boyfriend for a while, but he has recently moved away for work, so I'm not sure how that is going to end up. She has been back outside pottering in her garden again, which is wonderful to see, and she has quilts on the go and one that she completed recently that won her prizes at a quilt show. All good things.
Oh...derby...well...that calf issue I was having is Shin Splints, and it got to the point where I was in tears from the pain at every training session. So I have eased off on the skating alot. I am still involved in other ways, but not bouting. I attend training twice a week, only skate for one of those sessions, and last about an hour before my body has had enough. It is disappointing and had me heartbroken for a bit, but I am better now and finding a new place for myself within the league. Unfortunately the lack of exercise means my weight is creeping up and I am hovering close to three digits again (kept it off for nearly two years tho, yay me). I am struggling to bring my eating under control. Looks like I need to head back to Weight Watchers again.
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