An enlightening conversation

Got up this morning and thought, 'yay, the antibiotics are working'. Walked out the front door and started coughing, and coughing, and coughing. Nothing like fresh air to make you want to cough your guts up! Didn't really settle down for the rest of the day. And now, to top it off, I have an ear ache coming. I can feel the pressure building in my ear and it has been itchy too, a sure sign something is not right. *sigh*

I took part in an interesting (for me) conversation at work today. You may be aware that I am a loyal type of girl, that I was struggling with the possibility that I may have to leave my job in the next 6 months or so, that I had hoped to be there long term. So the conversation was between myself (at the job for 18 months), and two of my colleagues, J (been there for a couple of years) and L (been there for a looooong time, 15 years +). Somehow J and I started talking about where we saw ourselves in 4 or 5 years time. J said 'anywhere but here' and I was blown away. Somewhere in my dreams I had imagined all us 'young' ones being here and getting grey together, just like the current older group (about 7 of them, including L, have been there for more than 15 years). But J says that she never planned to stay here permanently, that she will do a couple more years here, maybe, and then move on. L said that she hadn't really planned to stay so long, but the place suited her and that was that. I ummed and ahhed, since I didn't want to say that I might not be here in a years time, let alone 4, but I did say that I saw myself as a branch manager in 4 or 5 years time, and J said that there were lots of jobs going at the moment and I should apply!! What the...!! I said 'no' as I want to get more experience under my belt, particularly in budgeting and supervision. But hearing that J felt so comfortable about moving on in the next couple of years gave me some mental freedom. I realised that no matter how much the staff and parents may say 'stay' I am free to make my own choices and not feel obligated to them. I can move on if I need to. Yes, there is the fear of 'what's next?', but I am resilient, I am strong, and I can be brave on the outside (while on the inside I am shivering my timbers, lol).

So I left the central library and headed over to the branch library, where I stopped and chatted with another colleague, one of the few men in the job and young like me. We started at the same time. I asked him whether he planned to be here in a few years time and he too said 'probably not'. He wants a specific type of job, and said that once something comes up he will apply for it, depending on where it is in relation to where he lives. That got us talking about commuting to work. I am in a great position where I live, I am only 10 minutes maximum from work. My colleagues generally travel at least half an hour in heavy traffic. When I look at how little time I have left in the day to spend with the kids, or just to function well as a household, I know I could not commute. If DH and I split I can't afford to rent anything less than forty minutes to an hour away. I shudder just thinking about it. This is why I have to look at leaving work, as I cannot find a financially viable way of staying in my job if DH and I split (well, the 3 kids and I could live in a really cruddy 2 bedroom apartment on the fourth floor with no elevator, we could never have take out and I would have to save for the entire year so they could go to soccer, umm, no thanks, no job is worth that).

Maybe my dream of a simple life isn't so far away after all.