Oh well, what did I expect?

With DH away it has been easy to forget how upset I have been in the past. But it doesn't take much to bring it back, such as looking at the diaries, or even just having a simple phone conversation.

He called tonight and for once we were able to talk for more than six minutes. I asked him to tell me a bit about the country he is visiting and all he could say was that it is like any other country. Umm, well, I have no real personal experience of visiting 'any other country' and particularly not a Middle Eastern one, so I would have liked to hear about the foods and the markets and the smells and the transport, etc, etc. Nope. Got nothing. So I got off the phone feeling incredibly unsatisfied and feeling like I had done most of the talking because if I don't then nothing gets said or he asks another question about the kids. We really don't have much to say to each other. This trip is a perfect opportunity for us to chat about differences between countries, to share thoughts and ideas and for me to be amazed by what he is seeing. Nope, not going to happen. Let's just stick to safe subjects, like the kids.

I had told DH a couple of days ago, in an email, about the break ins and he had been told more by a colleague whose wife also lives locally. I mentioned a couple of times in the emails that I was a little freaked out by it all. Tonight he didn't ask me how I was, I wanted to tell him how I couldn't sleep because I was so scared, but the moment never really came. I am scared. I went around last night making sure all the doors and windows were locked and even locked the screen doors from the inside which I don't normally do.

I have kept my depression at bay for the last few weeks, but I can feel it sneaking up on me again. It is not helped by the fact that I feel ill and that DS3 isn't settling into daycare too well. Apparently he had a better day today, but he yelled when I left and the girls said he had been watching the door for me from about 5pm (I got there at 5.30pm). I think I am going to go straight to him after work instead of stopping at the shops to get milk and bread.

A friend of mine announced she is having a baby girl in December. I don't envy her the girl, but I do envy her the baby. I was chatting to a mum at one of my sessions recently and we were talking about baby milestones. I was remembering how the first few weeks with DS3 were tough, as we got used to him and he got used to the world and I was so overcome with desire for another baby that it shook me a little. When my kidlets are a bit older I would like to look at fostering. Sometimes I think about doing child care from home on a small scale, it is an option for the future.