Sometimes there are moments that get you down and angry, yet to an outsider they seem trivial. This is because they are not aware of all the history behind the upset. This is a very good reason not to be judgemental of people's reactions to a situation. You don't know why they feel that way, you don't know what has happened in their life to react in a certain manner.

I had a moment today. I walked out of the kitchen to discover a sprinkling of potato chips all over the dining room and lounge room floors (thanks to middle and youngest boys). I hit the roof and sent the kids to their beds, yelling in their wake. Now, to any other person it might seem that I was acting very irrationally, they are just chips after all. But I had a house inspection last Monday and I had spent last weekend making the house as tidy and clean as it was when we first moved in (hours of work getting finger marks and pencil marks off walls, tidying rooms so that things were actually in their correct place, doing a de-clutter, etc). It made me want to continue having the house looking, if not spotless, at least not embarrassing when I have an unexpected visitor. And for today it did, for a couple of hours at least....then the chips. To top it off, my vacuum is bagless and the filter has to be washed regularly, so I washed it after I vacuumed today. This meant that my vacuum was out of action for the next couple of days, which wasn't a problem...until the chips. Seeing this mess all over the floors just made me 'spit the dummy' as my mum says. I got the broom out and cleaned up the hard way, but it just doesn't do the job a vacuum does. *sigh*

I was daydreaming earlier today about where I would like to be living and what my home would look like...
You would find me on a semi-rural property approximately 50km from a large town and no more than 4 hours from my mum. I would prefer town water (hence the semi-rural) but can live with tank water (been there, done that, survived, lol).

The house would be a federation farmhouse style, with a wide verandah and large windows. It would look alot like this...



It would have 3-4 bedrooms and good sized open plan kitchen/dining room and separate lounge room.



Heating would be provided by my mock fireplace (a gas heater, lol) and numerous quilts. The flooring would be polished wood floors in the kitchen/dining and lounge rooms (lounge room would have a nice rug), carpet in the bedrooms and tiles in bathroom. The kitchen/dining would be painted in a sunny yellow, the lounge room in a soft blue, bedrooms undecided, maybe a nice wallpaper, bathroom would be a light green (or maybe the sunny yellow from the kitchen) in untiled area, with tiles to suit.

The property would be a minimum of 1500 sq m, but is more likely to be around 4000 sq m (1 acre). I would have a vege garden, a worm farm and compost, a dog (for protection) and a cat (for cuddles). It might have a creek on the property.

I would not have cable tv, in fact, the one tv we do own will be a small one, very unappealing. We would have a computer with internet, but would limit usage.

The large town nearby would have a well-stocked library, a decent supermarket, a craft group, markets, a school, a plant nursery, and a pool (although this is optional, lol).

I dream of a home full of laughter and love, not burdened by the technologies and wants and stresses of today's society.

I won't be going to NZ this year, but not because of me and DH. It is because DH can't get leave to suit when I could go, so there is no-one to look after the kidlets. He actually suggested I go two weeks after he gets back, but I can't do that, the toddler would barely know his dad and DH wouldn't know toddler's routines or words sufficiently for me to be comfortable leaving for two weeks. I think I will go visit my best friend for a few days instead, so I get some sort of break from the kids after DH comes back.

DH emailed me recently and in it he actually suggested we go away for a weekend and I pointed out that we can watch tv at home for free. When we went on our honeymoon all those years ago we watched cricket on tv (we did do a couple of other things, but really, couldn't the tv have stayed off?). When my second son was making his way into the world we were watching rugby in the delivery room (not at the crucial moment, but you get my point). I hate the tv. It has done alot of damage in our relationship, which sounds bizarre, but for DH a nice weekend is spent on the couch, all day and most of the night. Yet he only sees his family on the weekend. Please tell me how this lack of interaction can be good for us as a family and a couple?

Perhaps when he received my reply about the weekend away he was disappointed. I don't know. He seems to want to sweep the mess of us under the rug and act like all is fine. But we don't say 'I love you', we don't say 'I miss you', so the awareness is there, just not referred too. Maybe he is just glad I am still here. We have heard stories of women clearing out while their DH is overseas. That is just plain nasty.