I took the boys up to mums on Friday and stayed overnight with her. By doing that I took 2 hours off my 6 hour trip. I showed off my outfit for mum and she gave her ok. I am a big girl, so there isn't much out there that is really flattering, and I was being extra brave by wearing a dress with spaghetti straps (only a bit brave though, I had a nice top to wear over it).
The negative about staying with mum - she smokes in her bedroom, which is where I slept, and my pyjamas stunk the next day. Ewww.
I left early on Saturday to do the remaining 4 hour drive. Toddler did not cry when I left and mum got him busy in the garden so he was kept well occupied (and got very filthy, she bathed him three times because she would get him clean, then he would go out and get all filthy again. I bet he loved it - dirt and baths, his favourites!). Tween and No. 2 were settled on computers with my bro's, so they too were quite happy to wave me off.
I reached my destination in good time and rushed around my lovely room (with spa, yes yes yes) getting ready. I thought the wedding started at 3.15pm, so I was aiming to be out the door at 2.45pm. Hahahahaha. I left at 2.55pm, stressed because I thought I was going to be late. On the way I realised I had forgot my camera and batteries, so I turned around, raced back to the hotel, grabbed the camera and batteries and headed off again. This time I made it, found the wedding venue and was inside at 3.15pm, looking around for all the people.
No people.
Was I in the right place? Yes. Was it 3.15pm? Yes. What the...?
I found a person, a caterer. I asked her if the wedding was here, and she pointed me in the right direction. Still, there was only a couple of people and when I asked her about the time for the wedding she said that as far as she knew it was at 3.30pm. 3.30pm! I had nearly given myself a heart attack getting there because I thought I was running late! I had to laugh and take a moment to calm down. I really did not want to miss my friend's special day. The sky was blue, but the wind was freezing! I was so glad I had sleeves on.
The time came when the groom, Mr M, arrived, the 50 guests settled themselves on chairs and we awaited the arrival of the bride. Miss K was right on time. Her son (with her mum) led the way as ring bearer, followed by the groom's daughter and a family friend as bridesmaids. They looked absolutely stunning in their dresses (but cold!!).
Then came the bride and her father. She looked radiant. Like a princess (but not an ice princess, even though she may have felt like an ice block). Stunning. I was so glad to be there and see this.
Their story....
Mr M had posted a personal ad on Yahoo Personals and forgotten about it. Miss K noticed it, noticed that he was a single parent like her, and emailed him. He emailed back, this went on for some time, then they decided to meet. Mr M's daughter was present at the meeting and did most of the questioning. Clearly she was happy with what she found because she gave her approval (lol!) and things moved on from there. Miss K and Mr M have been together for nearly 4 years, so they know for sure that they can be there for each other, through hard times and good.
The ceremony was beautiful. They had a special family commitment part where each of them, mother and son, father and daughter, hand in hand, made vows to cherish and support each other as a family.
Then Miss K and Mr M exchanged their own vows.
awwwwwww
Then the end, the usual photos, etc, etc. I managed to catch Mrs M at one stage and give her a hug and get a photo with her before she went off.
She was an excellent hostess, stopping to greet everyone and thank them for coming, encouraging people to go inside into the reception area.
The reception was lovely, the food was beautifully prepared and the guests were entertaining. I think I was the only singular person there, but I wasn't bothered. I just chatted to a few people I did know vaguely, and then when we were seated there was one lady at our table who was lovely and chatty and kept us all entertained with wedding horror stories.
Things I learnt...
Make sure you view all of your dress when you purchase it, just in case there is a large hole in the back.
Don't trust anyone with the cake. They might forget the flowers. Particularly, even if you give explicit instructions not to cut up ALL the cake, stand over the caterers and make sure they do what you have asked.
Do not demand miracles from your bridal party. Or your family.
Do not trust your family to behave. If they haven't in the past, a wedding isn't going to stop them.
If someone in the bridal party whinges and whines, tell them 'bye bye' (particularly if they are whining that they don't want to dance with their partner, and they don't like what they are wearing, or their hairstyle). Remember...it is YOUR special day.
Don't let anyone get up and give a speech without checking it first. Miss K's father actually got up and compared her to a horse! Nice one, dad!I had a very nice time. I spoilt myself by having a couple of glasses of champagne, since it was a special occasion. I paced myself as I was driving, so drank plenty of water as well and only had a few glasses rather than the couple of bottles I probably could have had.
I left at 10.30pm, after all the speeches and the throwing of the bouquet. I had a bit of a dance before I left too. Some of the older ladies really knew how to boogie, and one older gentleman was having an absolute ball. There was a big group of middle aged people out there cutting the moves, hehehe, so I joined in with them for a little bit.
Got back to the hotel and indulged in a spa bath with lots of bubbles before heading off to bed.
Woke at 6.50am.
Grrrr.
Oh well. I laid there thinking and waiting for my breakfast to arrive (yep, I went all out in pure indulgence). I ate it in bed and eventually dragged myself out to pack and go.
Got back to mums and was accosted by a squealing with delight toddler. And I mean squealing! He was just so excited to see me. The other two boys were like 'oh, hi mum', lol. Toddler wouldn't let me go for the first 10 minutes, he tickled me and hugged me and kept saying 'mum mum!' Eventually he settled down enough to play and let me and mum catch up quickly. Then I gathered all the boys and their bits and off we went home.
So here we are.
No phone call from DH tonight, which surprised me, but shouldn't have. I thought he would still call to say hi to the boys at least. But no. And one, one sentence, email saying he had confirmed the trip with his mum. Ok.
My main feeling is of relief. I am relieved to not be worrying about it anymore, to not be confused and angry and stressed. I am still in limbo though, as I don't know how soon after he gets home I will have to move out. I have worked out my budget and I can stay here in the city. It won't be easy, not as easy as it has been, but if we share care of the boys and I keep my spending habits under control, then I think it will be fine. I only plan to stay for a couple of years, but I will be flexible about it as I want to do the best thing for the kids, and that, I think, means uprooting them as little as possible.
I have only told my best friend about the split, because in reality it hasn't happened yet, and there is still so much that is unknown. I think she is happy for me, because she knows how unhappy I have been, and can hear that now I feel much more positive about the future.
It is nice to not have this uncertainty and pain hanging over my head like a big black cloud.
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