It gets to me at times

Sometimes I am disturbed by the enquiries I have to handle in my job. Once, I had to talk to a woman who was experiencing emotional abuse, another time it was a woman whose son had died. Today it was a woman whose daughter was a young mum who had shown herself incapable of caring for her baby. The woman had taken in her grand daughter, but was now trying to make a decision about how to handle what her daughter was doing. I got off the phone and felt very very grateful I did not have a daughter.

I was a challenging teenager. I had left home by the time I was 14, to live with my older boyfriend. We had a baby together when I was 15, the baby boy died of meningitis. I had a second son, my now Teen, to the same man when I was 18, however we had gone our separate ways by the time Teen was born (my boyfriend was abusive and I had to get out).

I lost another son after No. 2 was born. I had gotten pregnant again unexpectedly, when No.2 was only a few months old, but miscarried when I was 5 months pregnant. I then lost another future baby the same year I fell pregnant with Toddler.

So the loss of children gets to me. Domestic violence cases get to me. Teen daughters who do the wrong thing by their family get to me.

I am ever grateful for the children I do have. I am thankful I had the strength to leave a man who only wanted to hurt me. I am glad that I do not have a daughter to fear for.

I have become good friends with one of my colleagues. We sit together and chat through out the day. We discuss our enquiries, assist each other with work, and share little bits of info about our family and our lives. Today at lunch she let me know that once we finish our contracts she is going into hospital for a while. I asked her why and she told me it was for depression. My heart ached for her. I would describe her as fragile. She is my age. We have lived incredibly different lives. She admires my strength and independence (I told her that it was not always a good thing to be so independent, that it is nice to lean on someone now and then). I envy her impeccable style, her freedom to travel, her life experiences have been so very different to my own.

I don't know why it is that people are so incredibly different in the way they cope with things.

I asked her if I could come and visit her in hospital, she said yes. I told her maybe I could turn up in my roller skates and do a demo for her. Or we could put her in a wheel chair and have races up and down the corridors! She laughed and I was so glad to see that smile. I shared with her my own experience of depression, I wanted her to know that I have felt the blackness, that I know how it can consume you and make you wonder why you even bother with life at all.

I miss D. Every day. I miss his smell, his touch, his smile. I think of him every day and wonder how he is. I hear from him now and then.

I do NOT miss D2.

Toddler is quite happy pottering along with his toilet training. I wish it had been this easy with No.2, mind you, it probably would have been if Ex-H and I hadn't stressed out so much about getting it 'right'. Lessons learnt hmmm.

Teen got into a fight the other day (it consisted of one punch each, the end, lol). Apparently the kid had been giving Teen a hard time and Teen bopped him one. I was ok with the whole thing, it sounds like it was justified and it did not get out of control.

No.2 has discovered Harry Potter books and has read 3 of them in 4 weeks. I am incredibly impressed.

My bro's have pretty much moved out of mum's place, in that they are not staying there anymore, but their gear is still there for now. They are going to share a place together and are moving into it next week.

I love music.

Went out clubbing with one of my bro's on the weekend. I danced non-stop for 3 hours, with my bro and one of his mates and a girl friend. I loved the music mostly, but they played one song 4 times, possibly they hoped everyone was drunk enough not to notice. I wasn't really drinking, so I noticed and was annoyed by it. I was exhausted by the time I got home (3am), but only had a couple of hours sleep before getting up and pottering around for the day. I felt ok, I was more tired the next day after I had had a decent nights sleep. My feet and knees hurt badly though, I blame that on my gorgeous high-heeled calf high boots, and I daresay I will suffer again.

me ready to go out...yes, my hair IS in piggy tails :-)

It is my birthday in a couple of weeks and I am having a bit of a party here at home. Should be fun.

Starting Roller Derby this Friday. Very excited about it. Training is twice a week. So between that and Karate and Softball (I sign up for that tomorrow) I will be doing a sport 5 days a week (Karate training is once a week, Roller Derby is twice, Softball is once, plus one game). I think I will lose about 10kgs by Xmas.