The weekend was as busy as I expected it to be. I did not get the lawn mowed and my friend did not come over, but that was just as well cos I was pretty flat out. I got some lovely gardening done, got some veges into my back garden and weeded my front garden and got some mulch down. A bro and I painted the room at mum's and got it completely finished, so we were pretty happy about that. Next week I think we will be ripping up the carpet and replacing it with lino.
Had an unsettling dream last night. I was dreaming that I had gone back to high school and was studying maths and science but for some reason I had never started studying english or geography or history and all of a sudden exams were about to start and someone told me I should have been studying those other subjects. In the dream I was freaking out because I was afraid I was going to fail. I woke up before any thing was resolved and sat there considering how much I fear failure.
I do not like to fail. It is something that has come up for me before but I do not usually dream about it. I don't know why it has come up now. I am not happy about not being awesome at my job, but I don't love it anyway. I don't love that I am single, but I understand now why it is better that I am, at least for now. But I have not failed at these things. I don't know what to think. Maybe God just wants me to be aware of my fear.
I got the contraceptive implant in last week. It hurt alot after the local anaesthetic wore off. Why did I have it done? Well, I am over being on the Pill when I am not getting any sex, why would I want to remember to take a pill that is wasted on me. Plus I was getting a bit of discomfit with it. The implant is 3 yrs of contraception, so regardless of what happens I am safe from getting pregnant for that amount of time. I would prefer to be protected than not. The Doc told me that one of the side effects was increased chance of depression or mood swings. I was a bit concerned about that because I already susceptible, but after a week I am feeling fine, better than when I was on the Pill.
Oh, I had blood tests done last week too, because I am so damn tired all the time. It turns out I am very low in Vit B12. So I am back on my B Vit Supplements, which I have been taking off and on for the last year. I also boiled some eggs and will eat them with my lunch. I do not drink milk, it makes me feel yucky, but I am happy to eat meat. Probably should eat liver but that stuff is disgusting. My cholesterol is also too high, I need to stop eating so much chocolate.
Rang mum up today to ask to borrow her lawn mower. She started crying while we were talking because one of my bro's, who lives at home, has been giving her a hard time. We all think he should move out. Mum said he won't move out until she has paid him back some money she owes him. I offered to lend her the money to pay him back and as I made that offer I felt like crying. It is coming from money I am saving to buy a house. It is the third time I have tried to build up a nest egg and it seems like every time I get a bit of money together, something important comes up and I have to use some or all of it. So I was feeling a bit upset about that, but still made the offer because my bro needs to move out. My mum is really unwell and he is being a shit. I am worried she won't make it to Christmas if he stays. I know she will pay me back when she can.
I have put in a uni application. I have applied to do a Teaching degree that will allow me to teach 0-12 yr olds and also work as a teacher-librarian. It is about 4 yrs of study, but it will give me added quals and will enable me to be around for the kids and mum. No idea if I will work between now and when the course starts, guess I am just playing it by ear.
D2 posted recently that he was going on a date. I messaged him and told him I was happy for him, which I genuinely am. The day after the date he posted on his Facebook that he has never been happier. I felt incredibly insulted by that remark. Just 3 weeks ago he was professing his undying love for me, and now...now he has never been happier. WTF? I am not even remotely jealous, just insulted. I discussed it with a friend today, because I wondered if it was ok for me to feel that way, and she said it was and told me that he sounded very immature. She had a point. He was dating me only a couple of weeks after his marriage fell apart. I think he must be one of those guys who can't handle being alone.
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