It just isn't that easy

I am completely over working full-time. I am tired and guilty and depressed. But I love my job. And I feel needed and appreciated in ways that my family would never show me. I don't work for the money, it covers child care with a bit of pocket money left over, I work because I enjoy it. Well, I did...

I was working casual/part-time. That suited me quite well, I was studying and had time for that as well as being able to pick up my kids from school and still help out there some days. But since I went full-time eight months ago I feel like all I have done is work. I keep missing out on stuff at school, I feel bad about not being there for the kids at the end of the day, I feel bad that my toddler goes to day care for far too many hours a week. The only real family time we get is on weekends and that is spent at sports, doing the damn housework and shopping, plus my oldest tends to go off to a mates place and I barely see him at all.

I realise I am in the same position as many other women out there. I chose to go full-time because I have been studying for what seems like forever and I viewed this field as being difficult to break into, so I wanted to grab the opportunity while it was there. But I think perhaps I should have just relaxed about it. I was getting valuable work experience as a casual, I could have waited. But I was greedy for real work experience and now I am paying the price.

I could leave, yes, but it isn't that easy. I am emotionally attached to the job. I have people who I enjoy seeing on a weekly basis. I have people who enjoy seeing me, who get alot out of my programs and who make me feel like I am making a difference in their lives (however small). But I am tired and I find myself depressed. Mind you, my marriage isn't helping there. And the cluckiness has raised it's ugly head again. So my head is swirling with marriage problems, babies hunger and work issues. Arghhhhh!! And I can't resolve any of this until DH comes home in September. Arghh!! It's doing my head in. I keep telling myself it is only for 4 more months, by my goodness that is a looong time.