There is a twist at every turn

Every Monday I take time to read Postsecret. Sometimes there is a secret there that particularly speaks to me. Today there were one.

It has a picture of a graph on it that shows the line peaking in the middle, then steadily dropping towards the right. Up the side reads 'age', and along the bottom 'chances of finding my true love and soulmate'. The secret states - "I'm sooooo afraid I've missed all my chances...and will end up alone and lonely".

I wonder about this, but slightly differently. I believe I once found my soul mate and I believe that we will never be together as a couple. My wondering is more along the lines of - do we only get a brief window of time to find someone to settle down with before it all becomes too hard to even try?

I have had two long term relationships. The first began when I was 13 and lasted 4 yrs, the second was when I was 21 and lasted 9 yrs. It seems my window was between the ages of 13 and about 27yrs, simply because now I feel like a long term relationship just asks too much of me.

I think people are also affected by their life paths. I have focused on matters which have taken me away from social scenes and as such feel like I have not had the opportunity to meet a wide range of people. Meeting people is what creates the opportunities to find someone to settle down with.

I resorted to online dating, with some success, but it is not an ideal way to meet someone. I chose that method because I did not have the time or energy to pursue extra-curricular activities. Now...now I know that not having that time or energy affects my ability and desire to have a full-time relationship with someone.

I do not really want to end up alone and lonely. I guess it is all about perspective. If I have a cat, will I be lonely? If I have grandchildren who come visit, will I be lonely? Will the empty house echo back at me and make me feel lonely? Will I fill my life with activities and people that will enable me to enjoy the peaceful haven that my home is for me?

I like that the future is unknown. I feel like I am on a journey that has a myriad of twists and turns, and even the bad brings with it some good.

work...a week ago today my two colleagues and I, who were to be out of a job as of today, were offered another month's employment. I actually spent two days considering the offer before saying 'yes'. At least I have some money coming in while I look for other work. I have applied for two jobs so far.

My best friend had a miscarriage last Thursday. She has two healthy boys, this was her first loss. She sounds ok over the phone, a bit disappointed more than anything. I am sure there is another bubba for her in the future.

I have come to the decision that there will be no more bubba's for me. I am enjoying watching my boys grow and finding that I do not have baby lust at all any more. I do not envy the parents their sleepless nights, lol. I do look forward to being a nanna in ten years or so.