update

On Saturday 25th April I enjoyed my first night in my new home. I could hear no sirens and barely any traffic. It was great to be back in my own bed again. I was really over being at mum's house, it was very crowded and she has alot of stuff, so on top of being people crowded I also felt very cluttered and like I was tripping over stuff all the time. So I left and felt much better for it.

The docs allowed mum to come home on Monday 27th. The aortic dissection now runs from her leg right up into her neck. It has bypassed her heart but has affected her kidneys. I cannot even imagine how she must feel physically. I know she has a bit of pain at times and she is obviously run down. So at home I sat with her and sorted out her medication for the next few days, she has to take a hell of a lot of different things. I found this a little distressing. I also went over how to use her blood pressure machine with her, it is not too complicated. She will be allowed to drive, but not very far, and no lifting anything over 10kgs, so that means no more lifting Toddler up. There are other limitations that I am sure she will discuss with us over the next few days. I can see from watching her that she tires very easy at the moment, and that she has to take it all very slowly. It is hard to see my mum less than the vibrant, powerful, woman that I have always viewed her as.

I thought her biggest challenge would be recognising her limits and asking for help, but in actual fact it seems that her challenge is to not sweat the small stuff. She stresses over everything. Today she was in tears because my bro's did not do something immediately that she asked them to. I mean, come on, people have other stuff to do, and it will get done, but she was getting all upset cos it was not done when she thought it should be. We all just want her to relax, but I do not think she actually knows how to at this stage.

I took her out today, she had a couple of jobs she wanted done. We went to the library first, then to the post office and the supermarket. She was exhausted by the time we were finished at the supermarket and when we got home she laid down and did not get up again until dinner, then went back to bed after dinner. Her blood pressure is not behaving, the lowest has been 98/45 and the highest has been 145/73. I am taking her to the doctor tomorrow so I hope she will discuss this with him.

I am pretty tired emotionally and physically. I feel like I am running two households at the moment, which I can handle, and being bossy, which I am not enjoying. I have little cry's now and then when I am alone and I feel so sad about mum that I cannot keep it in. Her and I had a chat while she was in hospital and she has been given a reduced life span, a max of ten years IF she reduces her stress and manages her blood pressure well. It is hard for me to face her mortality, especially when she is only 55 years old, still young.

I am still waiting to hear about the Centrelink job. I did the medical last Friday, so it will have been a week tomorrow and they told me that they would want people to start in the first week of May, I am kind of bothered that I have not heard yet. I may not love the idea of working at Centrelink, but I like to work and I am getting a bit itchy about not having a job. I am starting to think I might have to apply for benefits, which I am really trying to avoid. I have enough money to last me another two weeks.

The older boys had their first day at their new schools today. Teen was Mr Popular which he thought was highly amusing and he had only good things to say about his classes. No.2 made friends and was happy with his day. Toddler starts Family Day Care on Monday, he will go three days per week until I start work, then I will line up some other care for him. He is going to freak. He is so clingy these days, that on top of everything else makes it really tiring. He is constantly coming to me for hugs and if I go into another room he comes and finds me, every single time. If I get out of the car and don't take him with me he cries. I am not looking forward to the adjustment period.

Well, I guess that is it for now.