Not happy today

well, today, to put it bluntly, I feel like shit. I am tired, my eyes hurt (and I haven't shed very many tears, so I don't know why they hurt) and I feel emotional and unpleasant.

I sent D a message last night asking him to explain to me what happened, since I really do have no idea. No reply as yet, and it wouldn't actually surprise me if I never get one.

Caught up online with a guy who I had been chatting to when I met D, so I sent him a hi saying I was back online if he wanted to talk some time. He was a nice bloke, but he was never going to be able to compete with D's charm, lol. I am not the type of girl to keep a man in reserve in case things don't work out, so I had said to him that I would be happy to be friends, he wasn't keen and so we haven't spoken much since.

There are some interesting people out there. I like hearing about other people's lives and interests and I think these sites are a good way to do that. I haven't figured out irc chat rooms, so I am staying away from them until my bro's can give me a lesson or two in how to use them.

I have decided to continue sticking to my 9pm-11pm time limit online, I feel like it is something I can controll. It will also mean I get to bed at a decent hour. I think I will also continue the 'rules' I had set for myself. I know I deserve to be treated well. I AM a NICE girl.

Had a good chat to my best friend last night. We have come such a long way together. She wanted to call D and abuse him, which I found very funny, but I appreciated the fact she cared about me enough to want to do that. Besides, I still like D, stupid, I know, but he really did tick all my boxes and so it is hard not to like him. Also talked to my mum and skimmed over the surface of what had happened with D. I had spoken to her previously about D's condition, and how I wasn't sure if I was up to it, so when I told her that D and I weren't dating anymore I let her think it was because I had decided I couldn't handle it. She is disappointed for me, but she commented on the positive change she had seen in me over the last few weeks and how much she had seen me grow in self-confidence. I know she will check in with me through the week to see how I am, and I will put on a happy face. I do feel fine most of the time, I see it as me battening down the hatches.

Music is a great help. I have been having my car stereo blasting, my window down, and I scream the lyrics of songs I know. It is very cathartic, lol.