Like the ones my mum can't take anymore. She came home last Thurs and seemed to be doing well. Yesterday she was not her usual self. I was concerned, my bro was concerned. At 5.30 this morn he calls me to come round, I beat the ambulance there by about 10mins. Mum was struggling to breathe and in pain.
At first the hospital thought pneumonia. X rays and cat scans and ecg's later and all I know is that there is a blood clot in her right ventricle, fluid round her heart, and an infection. She is alive still, but I am lying here awake fearing for her life.
She gave me a list of items to take in, paper and pens and envelopes. I am afraid of what this means, that she is preparing to 'go'.
I don't think I'll ever be ready to say goodbye.
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