Time to face reality

about my weight. I'm to be a bridesmaid in October and I don't want to be wearing a size 20/22 dress.

Last May - 
Bust 106
Waist 97
Hips 114
Thighs 56
Arms 34

Highest weight 104kg. Current weight 95.5kg. Goal weight 80kg. 

Well, I've surpassed my highest weight and am currently 105.5. I can't tell you how awful this makes me feel. All that hard work undone in 6 months.

Measurements? I don't even want to go there. I got rid of most of my 'fat' clothes and so nearly everything is too small for me. At home I am wearing a lot of skirts and legging type pants. When I go out I have a limited choice and look gross in everything I put on.

I started going downhill in July last year, when my new job meant that I was too tired to even consider going for a run or to the gym. I tried to fit it in, but couldn't find a routine, and I seem to need routine. Then I got so very unwell with my gallbladder and exercise was the last thing on my mind. Unfortunately I did not change how I ate. 

Now I am unemployed I have plenty of time to exercise, but am yet to get into the habit. Lack of money actually means we are eating better because I can't afford junk food anymore. 

I'm doing a 10km run tomorrow and kind of dreading it. Then I have freshmeat training. Not sure how I will go and may not be able to walk on Monday.

I don't feel very good about myself at the moment.