Lol, DS#3 split his head open a couple of weeks ago, then last Sunday DS#1 fractured his arm! We spent a couple of hours in Emergency and we go back on Friday to get a proper cast on. He fell while rollerblading and landed badly. He told me it hasn't put him off blading!
My toddler is 18 months old. He can say hot ('ot), ouch (owsh), Tricia (trisha), mumma, dadda, ta ta, bye bye, up, sshhh, bottle (bopa), Scott (dot), Will (wiw). So cute!!! He stands near the oven and points at it and says 'ot, owsh'. Tonight he did his first little wee on the potty. He had already done one on the bathroom floor and I said, 'let's do a wee in the potty' thinking we could just get some practice in, so I sat him on it and we looked to see if anything was happening and nothing did, so he laughed! I said 'oh, okay, no wees' and took him off and almost straight away he tried to get back on, so I put him back on and he did a tiny wee!! I congratulated him of course. Time to bring in the routine of get up, put him on potty in the morning, and then after his bath at night he ALWAYS does one on the floor, so now after I take him out of the bath I will ask him if he needs to do a wee and then put him on the potty.
The rhyme and read sessions are going ok. I have had to resort to the old favourites a couple of times because what I have planned doesn't take long enough. I am feeling like it's not working, I need to do some reading about it.
My work diary is full. I almost feel tired looking at it, but what it really does is make me realise how prepared I need to be. I have the Kindy's and After School carers calling, wanting me to do multiple sessions per month, I laughed at them, not meanly, and then told them what my schedule was like and reminded them that it is just me, I don't have an assistant or anyone I can really delegate to.
Each month I have - 4 kindy visits , 4 After school outreach sessions, 4 bookclub sessions, at least 12 public rhymetime sessions (3 per week), plus I am supposed to do 3 x 3 hour desk shifts per week and prepare everything ahead of time. I don't think the rest of the staff, except for my co-ordinator, have any idea of the workload. They see me sitting at my desk a fair bit, I am usually replying to emails, planning future programs, preparing stuff for the next session, and creating promotional material. I love my job! I am not complaining at all. I would hate to be twiddling my thumbs. I hope I can prove to myself that I am good at this organisational stuff. Oh, and to get a pay rise I have to come up with something I can teach a small group and see it through from start to finish. *lightbulb* we've had quite a few older customers coming in asking if we run a basic computer course (how do I turn it on, etc, lol). Well, we have a Basic Internet course, but not a general computer one. I will talk to the person who runs the internet one and see if he has any plans to run a basic computer one and if not would he mind me doing it.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
the choices we make
My rhyme and read sessions went pretty well. It seems strange not to sing non-stop for half an hour, lol, but the parents seemed happy and the kids seemed to have more attention. I have looked into getting a license that will allow me to play music, this should beef up my Tuesday Rhymetime sessions a little if the manager okays it.
I read an article in the paper about the difficulties of living on the old age pension. I was surprised at how little the elderly receive - about $250 each per week. That is pretty pitiful. When I expressed this opinion to my husband I was quite dismayed to get the opposite reaction from him. His argument was that they have been used to living on very little all their lives so why should they complain now, why didn't they have a savings plan, why don't they live with family, etc etc along the same lines. I was gobsmacked! I pointed out to him that society has changed, children don't want their parents living with them, and that generally the parents' savings went on ensuring their kids had a better start to life than what they had. These people went through the war for crying out loud! They walked miles to school, they went barefoot, they scrimped and saved to buy a home. They worked hard all their lives. In their old age they deserve to have some comfort and $250 isn't going to provide it. I asked him how he would feel if he had to survive on that amount, he couldn't even empathise, his words were 'I have super, so it's not going to happen'. His lack of caring and his arrogance just floored me.
I just do not understand what possessed us to think we could spend our lives together. We see the world so very differently. Perhaps it is because we are man and woman, perhaps it really is something as simple as that. But I fail to understand him, I am frequently disappointed by him, and I have no idea what he thinks of me/us, if anything. But I am stuck. I feel like I cannot move from this. I recommitted to our marriage for crying out loud, and all it has gotten me is heartache. I say 'I recommitted' because I don't think he really did.
He works away on weekdays at the moment, comes home Friday night, sits on the lounge. Alternates between the lounge (TV) and the computer (different room) until he goes to bed. Gets up mid-morning (about 10am) Saturday (and Sunday too for that matter, what happened to going to church?), first thing he does is put the TV on. Then the computer. That's it for the day. Oh, he might change a nappy (we have three boys, one of whom is a toddler), he might put a load of washing on, he might go out to the shops for an hour. But it is a 'might'. We both work fulltime. As any working mother knows, your day begins hopefully before the kids gets up, so you have the chance to at least have a cuppa, once they are up it is go go go, get out the door, get everyone off to school or daycare, get to work and maintain the happy face for 7 or 8 hours, pick everyone up, get home by 6pm, organise tea, homework, baths, bedtime. You might get to sit down for a quiet moment at 9pm, then its back up, get washing on, get dishes done, tidy up mess created by kids, hope to get some time on the computer or to read a book before your eyelids droop and you can't stay up a moment longer. I do this every week day. I don't know what he does, most of the time it seems a bit of a bludge (his words), at the moment it's a bit busier than that. Ok, I get that. But when do I get to sit around ALL day and do almost nothing? I really resent his behaviour when he is at home. I feel like he doesn't understand that my week is equally as busy, so I need some down time too, not running round doing the housework that I couldn't get done through the week, not shopping for more food, not cleaning up yet another lot of mess created by him and the kids. Give me a goddam break!!
Where is my supposed partner in life? Where is my supposed helpmate? Where is my support? Sitting on the lounge watching sport. Tapping away on the keyboard looking for something to throw money away on.
I am disappointed in the choice I made when I had the chance to make a different one. I like where I live and work, I love my kids. Except for my marriage I like my life. My marriage makes me really really depressed. When I think about it I want to cry. I eat enormous amounts of chocolate instead. Death by chocolate.
If I walk away from this marriage the kids lose a nice place to live, we would have to move way out west to afford housing. They would have to change schools again. I would probably have to quit my job because I just do not think I could juggle full-time work and parenting if I live up to an hour away. We would lose out. I keep reminding myself that he is soon going away for a length of time, that I just need to get through these next few weeks sociably and then I won't have to think about 'us' for awhile. We are supposed to be going on a family holiday when he gets back from his trip, I look forward to it in most respects, except for spending it with him. He isn't much fun to be around. I was looking forward to camping, but he has decided it would be easier to stay in motels. ewww. It wasn't meant to be about easier, it was meant to be about having a bit of fun. He has probably realised that camping = no tv.
My heart aches. I dreamed of so much more from life.
I read an article in the paper about the difficulties of living on the old age pension. I was surprised at how little the elderly receive - about $250 each per week. That is pretty pitiful. When I expressed this opinion to my husband I was quite dismayed to get the opposite reaction from him. His argument was that they have been used to living on very little all their lives so why should they complain now, why didn't they have a savings plan, why don't they live with family, etc etc along the same lines. I was gobsmacked! I pointed out to him that society has changed, children don't want their parents living with them, and that generally the parents' savings went on ensuring their kids had a better start to life than what they had. These people went through the war for crying out loud! They walked miles to school, they went barefoot, they scrimped and saved to buy a home. They worked hard all their lives. In their old age they deserve to have some comfort and $250 isn't going to provide it. I asked him how he would feel if he had to survive on that amount, he couldn't even empathise, his words were 'I have super, so it's not going to happen'. His lack of caring and his arrogance just floored me.
I just do not understand what possessed us to think we could spend our lives together. We see the world so very differently. Perhaps it is because we are man and woman, perhaps it really is something as simple as that. But I fail to understand him, I am frequently disappointed by him, and I have no idea what he thinks of me/us, if anything. But I am stuck. I feel like I cannot move from this. I recommitted to our marriage for crying out loud, and all it has gotten me is heartache. I say 'I recommitted' because I don't think he really did.
He works away on weekdays at the moment, comes home Friday night, sits on the lounge. Alternates between the lounge (TV) and the computer (different room) until he goes to bed. Gets up mid-morning (about 10am) Saturday (and Sunday too for that matter, what happened to going to church?), first thing he does is put the TV on. Then the computer. That's it for the day. Oh, he might change a nappy (we have three boys, one of whom is a toddler), he might put a load of washing on, he might go out to the shops for an hour. But it is a 'might'. We both work fulltime. As any working mother knows, your day begins hopefully before the kids gets up, so you have the chance to at least have a cuppa, once they are up it is go go go, get out the door, get everyone off to school or daycare, get to work and maintain the happy face for 7 or 8 hours, pick everyone up, get home by 6pm, organise tea, homework, baths, bedtime. You might get to sit down for a quiet moment at 9pm, then its back up, get washing on, get dishes done, tidy up mess created by kids, hope to get some time on the computer or to read a book before your eyelids droop and you can't stay up a moment longer. I do this every week day. I don't know what he does, most of the time it seems a bit of a bludge (his words), at the moment it's a bit busier than that. Ok, I get that. But when do I get to sit around ALL day and do almost nothing? I really resent his behaviour when he is at home. I feel like he doesn't understand that my week is equally as busy, so I need some down time too, not running round doing the housework that I couldn't get done through the week, not shopping for more food, not cleaning up yet another lot of mess created by him and the kids. Give me a goddam break!!
Where is my supposed partner in life? Where is my supposed helpmate? Where is my support? Sitting on the lounge watching sport. Tapping away on the keyboard looking for something to throw money away on.
I am disappointed in the choice I made when I had the chance to make a different one. I like where I live and work, I love my kids. Except for my marriage I like my life. My marriage makes me really really depressed. When I think about it I want to cry. I eat enormous amounts of chocolate instead. Death by chocolate.
If I walk away from this marriage the kids lose a nice place to live, we would have to move way out west to afford housing. They would have to change schools again. I would probably have to quit my job because I just do not think I could juggle full-time work and parenting if I live up to an hour away. We would lose out. I keep reminding myself that he is soon going away for a length of time, that I just need to get through these next few weeks sociably and then I won't have to think about 'us' for awhile. We are supposed to be going on a family holiday when he gets back from his trip, I look forward to it in most respects, except for spending it with him. He isn't much fun to be around. I was looking forward to camping, but he has decided it would be easier to stay in motels. ewww. It wasn't meant to be about easier, it was meant to be about having a bit of fun. He has probably realised that camping = no tv.
My heart aches. I dreamed of so much more from life.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Work, what work?
Didn't get much work done yesterday cos my smallest DS fell off a chair at daycare and cut his head open an hour after I got to work and had to go to hospital to get glued back together again, lol. He wasn't impressed. Daycare handled everything really well, got in touch with me immediately, cleaned him up appropriately etc etc. So glad it is a family run business, they make alot more effort to keep the parents happy. So DS and I got to spend the day home together.
Had a slight back log today when I got back to work, thankfully I was on top of most of it so only had a couple of things to push through. Went to an interesting meeting this morning and got some good ideas for children's programs. It really helps to have a support network. It did bring home to me how small my library demographic is - I had 40 kids for the Summer Reading Program and was pleased, it matched last years (so next year I am aiming for better), anyway, one of the libraries at this meeting had 500 kids, and one had 1200!!!!!! I was proud to note that the one that had 500 kids had the same size collection as we have in most areas, in some we had more! and in some they did (to be expected considering they have a MUCH larger library, but the fact that our collection was generally equal was surprising). I went back to my library and told them how great our collection was.
Got my first Rhyme and Read session tomorrow, should be interesting. It's a bit touch and go because I have never sat in on one, I am winging this completely. If I run out of stories I can always sing the old favourites, lol.
Had a slight back log today when I got back to work, thankfully I was on top of most of it so only had a couple of things to push through. Went to an interesting meeting this morning and got some good ideas for children's programs. It really helps to have a support network. It did bring home to me how small my library demographic is - I had 40 kids for the Summer Reading Program and was pleased, it matched last years (so next year I am aiming for better), anyway, one of the libraries at this meeting had 500 kids, and one had 1200!!!!!! I was proud to note that the one that had 500 kids had the same size collection as we have in most areas, in some we had more! and in some they did (to be expected considering they have a MUCH larger library, but the fact that our collection was generally equal was surprising). I went back to my library and told them how great our collection was.
Got my first Rhyme and Read session tomorrow, should be interesting. It's a bit touch and go because I have never sat in on one, I am winging this completely. If I run out of stories I can always sing the old favourites, lol.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
It feels like a big change
I picked up my older boys on Sunday and immediately the general noise level in our house went up. Combine that with DH and the TV and the noise level was pretty unpleasant. But you get used to it or you go somewhere slightly quieter, there is no point in asking them to quiet down.
Today my oldest boy started at highschool. I was nervous, he was cool and calm. He rode his bike there and decided to go early so he could find the bike rack and not stress about being late to the meeting in the hall. He got homework on the first day!! 1 page of Maths homework which he did not enjoy completing at all. I was impressed with him when he told me he wanted to get there early again tomorrow so he could check out what rooms he was going to that day (and subsequently avoid getting lost). He has been nagging at me for months to let him play soccer, so we are signing up this weekend. A couple of kids from school also play soccer, so this is another way for him to make friends and socialise outside of school.
My middle son began his year at a new school and he was a bit quieter than normal, until we got to the classroom and I was going, then he started talking ten to the dozen. I think this school will be a new experience for him, there is alot more kids his own age and more resources available for him to utilise. He will be walking to school with friends he has made in our street. We were hoping to sign him up for Cubs this year but it seems to be run on Mondays, no good for me because I work Monday nights. I will ring around and see if there is a group run on another day, I would like for him to have the opportunity to experience something like this.
Today my oldest boy started at highschool. I was nervous, he was cool and calm. He rode his bike there and decided to go early so he could find the bike rack and not stress about being late to the meeting in the hall. He got homework on the first day!! 1 page of Maths homework which he did not enjoy completing at all. I was impressed with him when he told me he wanted to get there early again tomorrow so he could check out what rooms he was going to that day (and subsequently avoid getting lost). He has been nagging at me for months to let him play soccer, so we are signing up this weekend. A couple of kids from school also play soccer, so this is another way for him to make friends and socialise outside of school.
My middle son began his year at a new school and he was a bit quieter than normal, until we got to the classroom and I was going, then he started talking ten to the dozen. I think this school will be a new experience for him, there is alot more kids his own age and more resources available for him to utilise. He will be walking to school with friends he has made in our street. We were hoping to sign him up for Cubs this year but it seems to be run on Mondays, no good for me because I work Monday nights. I will ring around and see if there is a group run on another day, I would like for him to have the opportunity to experience something like this.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Friday
I feel like I had a productive day. There is always something to do in my job as a children's librarian, especially when you don't have an assistant to delegate work to. So I plan and create and implement and I love it!
Today was the last session of school holiday activities and I am glad it is over. I have enjoyed spending time with the older kids and teaching them some new skills, or just providing them with an hour or so of entertainment. In two weeks it is back to the Rhymetime/Storytime sessions with babies up to pre-schoolers, and my regular BOOKclub with primary age kids. I still don't have anything set up for teens, I admit that I am a bit intimidated by them, and can get a bit irritated with the noise they make (although I do my fair share of noise making with the littlies, lol). But I do like talking to them. I was one once after all, and they really aren't so different as they would like to think.
I have to think of something I can train a small group in. Something that is linked to the library. I need to do this within the next six months to be able to go up a pay grade. Because of my qualifications I am already on the second grade of five or six. But I am struggling to think of something that I myself can train a small group in. I know one of the previous CL's did research training for kid's assignments, but I would feel like I was copying if I did that. I guess I will just have to sit on it for a bit, something will present itself.
Had a bit of a read of Stephen Covey's '7 Habits', it is quite interesting and I like how he makes it known that it is a struggle to live the 7 habits all the time. Bit like following God, now that can be a very wobbly path sometimes, lol. I am back to Artemis Fowl books again, what a great series. Eoin Colfer is a good writer. The first book started off a bit slow, but now I am up to book 5 and am well aware that that is it till the next one (if there is one) comes out. When I finish this I am going to read Point Blanc, the second in the Alex Rider series by Anthony Horowitz.
DH couldn't come home tonight, they are being kept in, lol, and he can't be bothered driving home. Won't see him till Sunday since he has to stay at work tomorrow too.
I got to bed by 11pm last night, yay, then I read till 12am, lol.
Today was the last session of school holiday activities and I am glad it is over. I have enjoyed spending time with the older kids and teaching them some new skills, or just providing them with an hour or so of entertainment. In two weeks it is back to the Rhymetime/Storytime sessions with babies up to pre-schoolers, and my regular BOOKclub with primary age kids. I still don't have anything set up for teens, I admit that I am a bit intimidated by them, and can get a bit irritated with the noise they make (although I do my fair share of noise making with the littlies, lol). But I do like talking to them. I was one once after all, and they really aren't so different as they would like to think.
I have to think of something I can train a small group in. Something that is linked to the library. I need to do this within the next six months to be able to go up a pay grade. Because of my qualifications I am already on the second grade of five or six. But I am struggling to think of something that I myself can train a small group in. I know one of the previous CL's did research training for kid's assignments, but I would feel like I was copying if I did that. I guess I will just have to sit on it for a bit, something will present itself.
Had a bit of a read of Stephen Covey's '7 Habits', it is quite interesting and I like how he makes it known that it is a struggle to live the 7 habits all the time. Bit like following God, now that can be a very wobbly path sometimes, lol. I am back to Artemis Fowl books again, what a great series. Eoin Colfer is a good writer. The first book started off a bit slow, but now I am up to book 5 and am well aware that that is it till the next one (if there is one) comes out. When I finish this I am going to read Point Blanc, the second in the Alex Rider series by Anthony Horowitz.
DH couldn't come home tonight, they are being kept in, lol, and he can't be bothered driving home. Won't see him till Sunday since he has to stay at work tomorrow too.
I got to bed by 11pm last night, yay, then I read till 12am, lol.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
promises promises
Today I promised myself that I would not eat crap. I lied...and enjoyed it (the crap food, not the lying).
Today I promised myself that I would go to bed at a nice, healthy hour. It's 11.30pm....I am tired, I need to wash my hair and I hate going to bed with wet hair. I thought about washing it earlier but couldn't be bothered. Now I am going to have to get up 15mins earlier to wash my hair and hope that my toddler doesn't decide to get up earlier too! No-one to blame but myself.
Had a lovely evening with my toddler. My older two are away and my hubby is away too, so it is just me and M. He is a gorgeous boy, if I do say so myself. We went for a 20 min walk, then had tea, played in the garden, I bathed him, then more play before quiet time and bed. It isn't often that I get to enjoy him like this, mostly because I am doing housework or negotiating arguments between others, or having one myself! Plus, the tv and computer is always on (which I dislike immensely), tonight neither went on until M went to bed, and I didn't miss it one bit (but it is partly the reason why I am still awake now, lol).
When DH is home he gets up and the first thing he does is turn the tv and computer on. He gets home, same thing. I really do get sick of the noise. Plus all he watches is sport and sport and...oh, did I mention he watches sport?! Maybe a bit of news, maybe the occasional reality show. I am not into tv, so watch almost nothing, but this makes him act like he has control of whatever we watch. I would rather read a book, it is quieter and usually far more interesting.
ok, had my whinge for today, lol. Now I am going to bed (hahahahahaha, that's so funny! I will go and finish tidying up the kitchen, make sure all the washing is done, put piles of clothes in rooms, check on M, turn off lights, check doors are locked...and so on, you get the picture).
Maybe tomorrow I will get to bed before 12am.
Today I promised myself that I would go to bed at a nice, healthy hour. It's 11.30pm....I am tired, I need to wash my hair and I hate going to bed with wet hair. I thought about washing it earlier but couldn't be bothered. Now I am going to have to get up 15mins earlier to wash my hair and hope that my toddler doesn't decide to get up earlier too! No-one to blame but myself.
Had a lovely evening with my toddler. My older two are away and my hubby is away too, so it is just me and M. He is a gorgeous boy, if I do say so myself. We went for a 20 min walk, then had tea, played in the garden, I bathed him, then more play before quiet time and bed. It isn't often that I get to enjoy him like this, mostly because I am doing housework or negotiating arguments between others, or having one myself! Plus, the tv and computer is always on (which I dislike immensely), tonight neither went on until M went to bed, and I didn't miss it one bit (but it is partly the reason why I am still awake now, lol).
When DH is home he gets up and the first thing he does is turn the tv and computer on. He gets home, same thing. I really do get sick of the noise. Plus all he watches is sport and sport and...oh, did I mention he watches sport?! Maybe a bit of news, maybe the occasional reality show. I am not into tv, so watch almost nothing, but this makes him act like he has control of whatever we watch. I would rather read a book, it is quieter and usually far more interesting.
ok, had my whinge for today, lol. Now I am going to bed (hahahahahaha, that's so funny! I will go and finish tidying up the kitchen, make sure all the washing is done, put piles of clothes in rooms, check on M, turn off lights, check doors are locked...and so on, you get the picture).
Maybe tomorrow I will get to bed before 12am.
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