Not as good as thought

I drove mum to see her specialist last night, I dropped her off and picked her up and we talked in the car about what he told her. The news was not particularly good. There has been no improvement in her condition since she left hospital. The doc told her she is lucky to be alive, she should in fact be dead due to the severity of her condition. He reiterated the need for her to take it easy. Nothing more can be done for her other than careful monitoring by herself and her family doctor. The doc told her that it would only take something very little to send her back into ICU, or kill her. Mum is taking it a bit more seriously now.

After I dropped her off I drove home, crying the whole way. I felt very alone.

I spoke to her today, she told me of some things she is doing to monitor how much she can do and I gave her a hand with the housework. We talked about my 2 youngest bro's attitudes and how perhaps they did not realise the severity of mum's condition, because she has not outright said to them, 'if I overdo it, I will die'. I spoke to my oldest younger bro today (I have three) and he said that he was not surprised by the specialist's words and that he fully expected her to not come out of hospital originally. He also said that he is prepared for the likelihood that she will die within the next year or so and we briefly discussed what we thought might happen with the younger two bro's, in terms of care (they are adults, but rather naive about the real world).

My tremors
I spent some time reading about Essential Tremor tonight. I still think that this may be what I have. I am beginning to notice what things may set it off...

• stress - I actually think this is what originally triggered the tremors, back in November last year. These days I notice that when I am feeling particularly stressed the tremors are more obvious.
• heavy lifting
• sex
• tiredness
  
• riding my motorbike - this morning I rode my bike for about 10 minutes, to take it to get a service. When I got there I could barely write my name and ph. number because I was having difficulty with shakes and muscle weakness.
• Driving my car for long periods - I started noticing that after my 2 hr drives to and from mums (when I lived in Sydney) I would feel very shaky.
• Coca Cola - also makes me feel nauseous, but I have been noticing that if I drink as little as a glass of coke my tremors are slightly worse.
• Chocolate - too much of it can affect me. I also noticed that it affects my typing, my spelling becomes embarrassing (for me anyway).
• Exercise - sometimes. I have been doing a run/walk most days this last week and this morning was the first time I noticed an issue, so I could have been more susceptible because of yesterdays stress.
  

Right now I feel like I am shivering on the inside. My hands are shaking a little and occasionally I can feel an odd twitch. When I walk around I feel a bit jumpy. Some of the video clips I have found show a much more severe tremor, both in the arms and head. I need to find myself a Dr up here and get referred to a Neurologist. There is no cure, but if it worsens I can go on medication.